Intrepid Murmurings

I was recently asked on a parenting forum I frequent to elaborate on what it is like nursing twins beyond a year.  This mama was starting to have trouble tandem nursing her older babies -- due to them being grabby and active -- and was looking for advice, both on how nursing older twins worked and when and how weaning might occur.  Here is my response, edited slightly. I was the only one -- I think? -- on this forum still nursing older twin toddlers...

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Okay, I'll chime in as the mama-still-tandem-nursing-2.5-year-olds.  Ha!  Thanks for the compliments on our nursing picture! 

For us, nursing is still awesome, and I am so glad we made it through the early challenges and are still at it.  I vaguely have three years old as weaning time, so we'll see this spring.  We could do it at any time and it wouldn't be too traumatic -- I don't see them as dependent on nursing at this point at all -- but since we are all still enjoying it and its a great parenting tool for me, we keep on for now. 

For me, a key to toddler nursing is setting limits and making that the norm.  As the owner of the boobs, I call the shots (this is obviously different than when they are infants!).  My girls learned pretty early on -- well before a year old -- that we almost never nurse outside of our house (unless we are away on a long trip, are in a private spot, or they are really hurt) because it was just not comfortable or feasible for me to do so.  Also at home, they don't always get to nurse when they ask -- we are not on a "on demand" system now.  We have some set times we generally do (wake up, mid-morning sometimes, before nap, after nap sometimes, and when I am putting them to bed).  If they ask and I don't want to, or it's outside of those times, I usually say "you can nurse at X time, but not now" and then offer cuddles or a snack or drink.  Sometimes I also put limits on how long we nurse -- telling them it will be a "quick nurse" (like a minute or two) or making them stop a the count of ten other times when then have been nursing awhile and I am ready to be done.  They rarely protest, and often stop at 2 or 3 in the counting -- giggling because they were "so fast". 

I am not sure what we've done to make tandem nursing work, other than always stuffing a blanket between them when they are nursing in the tandem football hold with the pillow so they don't "bonk" each other (yes, we STILL use this position and the pillow at naptime, since they fall asleep then and I can still heft them in this position across the room into their beds!) and not just not allowing them to bother each other. Honestly, if one of them is too squirmy or acrobatic, is are not "staying on her side" or is touching and annoying her sister, she has to stop and get down.  End of story.  The threat of having to stop nursing keeps them in line pretty much all the time.  They love to nurse and are usually totally sweet with each other during this cuddle time.  

For us for a long time now (perhaps always?), nursing has been more about comfort and connection than nutrition, so that plays into it as well.  My supply has never been good -- now, I think it's pretty slim.  We had to supplement from the very beginning, and they've always been good solids eaters --probably because that's been their main calorie source.  They never had (or would take) pacifiers and didn't have bottles past about 10 months, so this is the way they meet their sucking needs.  I also feel like it's such an easy way to bond with them and calm them both, together at the same time.  If they are fighting/biting/hurt/whatever, nursing can turn that around, and I feel really lucky to have that tool still with this crazy busy toddler stage. For me tandem nursing is the only way I've ever seen it working for us -- nursing them separately takes so much more time and rarely are my girls up for waiting their turn (though they do understand that concept, and respect it, especially if one of them is hurt).  

Hope some of this helps or at least clarifies what our nursing looks like right now.  Good luck on figuring it all out for you little ones!  There are so many ways to do it, especially with twins...

 
Goofing around with Mama on the nursing pillow around age 2

Okay, so today was a looooong day with one sick kid (Elsie, feverish, but on the mend) and all three home all day. I am realizing that those days that Emma does not have school can be Oh So Exhausting, mostly because I often save sanity saving errands & outings for the days when we are already heading out for school anyway, and plan on getting more done on the "home days", which does not always work out, with three kids pent up indoors a fair bit of the time. Gotta get my work done more efficiently so we can go do fun stuff out there in the world, instead!

Unrelated to any of that, here are some random shots from the past month(s) that I have been wanting to share but haven't, yet.  No time like the present (thank you NoBloPoMo)! 

Flubber swim party

And we'll end with a little twin gem taken in August. OMG, I love it! And also can't believe how much their language & pronunciation has changed, only 2.5 months later! 

I don't think I ever shared my birth plan here back in the day, but thought I would since I know how interested I was in this kind of thing when we were thinking and preparing (as best you can!) for the birth of our twins.  

I will start out saying that while I lean towards the "crunchy" and natural end of things, generally, in terms of birthing I'm only a little left of center.  Though I value everyone having the option and love the idea of it, homebirth was never something I considered in my case (this slideshow featuring tons of natural and homebirthing twin mamas still makes me cry, however! Love it!).  After all the medical interventions and angst we went through trying to conceive the first time around, I was fairly comfortable and reassured by the hospital setting.  At the start of my second pregnancy, I felt more confident about things and opted to see midwives (who worked with a local hospital), but once we found out it was twins, they kicked me out of the practice.  There were a few "twin" midwives unconnected to major hospitals that I were recommended by various folks, but at that point I wanted the medical monitoring again, and wanted to be birthing in a hospital with a good NICU.   

38 weeks, 2 days: day before birth!My girls were monochorionic (shared placenta) diamniotic (two sacs) identical twins, so while it was not the very riskiest of situations (if they shared a sac, for example), it still carried some concerns, especially with regards to TTTS (which was on my mind a lot, since I was following another Seattle family's heartbreak regarding this at the time).  At our first appointments  with the perinatologists (for the NT scan, and a subsequent followup ultrasound) there were notable differences between the girls measurements that made our doctors suspect TTTS. We had ultrasounds every other week from then on out to follow that, though it ended up, thankfully, resolving on its own.  

For many months leading up do the delivery, I talked, questioned, and negotiated with the doctors in my clinic (all perinatologists) to see how naturally would agree to allow me to labor and birth.   I wanted to do it as naturally as I could, without interventions, without meds, without an epidural (barring complications, of course). They were fine with most of that, strongly advocated vaginal delivery over a C-sections in most situation (unlike many OBs I have heard about, regarding twins) but DID -- across the board -- want me to at least get an epidural in place before delivery.  They also admitted they could not force me to do anything: these were just their (sometimes strong) recommendations.

Their reasoning about the epi: in their experience, we had the best chance of a vaginally delivering a the second baby, no matter what position they flipped into, if they were able to get in and turn/manipulate her without my being in the kind of pain which might make it harder or impossible for them.  Also, if baby B went into distress after baby A was born, and an emergency C was needed, I would have to be put under general anesthesia if I didn't have the epi.  I know midwives deliver twins all the time without epidurals, and perhaps the pain during manipulation thing is not as big of a deal in the moment with all that is happening then (or there are more gentle ways to move them, with movement and positioning the mother).  And also, that all these complications are rare.   But, after much pondering, I decided I did feel I was in good hands and was okay with the epidural plan, as long as we didn't have to do it before it was truly needed (I ended up getting it during transition, as they were prepping for the birth).  

Back to the pregnancy, once the possible TTTS resolved there were no other complications, though I did end up with preterm labor at 33.5 weeks.  A few nights in the hospital and a few weeks on meds and modified bedrest at home did the trick.  The girls were born at 38.5 weeks, and it went very smoothly (here's the official announcement, and here's the birth story, with lots more info on how some of these things actually worked out).  The doctor did have to do a lot of manipulation to get Delia, who had turned sideways, heading in the right direction ("diving in up to his elbows" was mention, ug).  At that point, and after when I realized the extent of what happened there -- while I was fairly obliviously watching Lonnie with Elsie -- I was pretty glad I had ended up with the epidural...

Anyway, here's the birth plan, which for the most part worked for us!  Much of this was taken (and edited to our needs) from a form I found online.  We were birthing at a large hospital with a huge labor and delivery department -- our doctors were the hospital perinatologists, so some of this takes that into account.  

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Birth Plan for _________________
mono/di twin girls

Parents: ____________________  & ____________________
EDD: __________________
Drs: ___________________

We are excited to meet our new girls and know we are in good hands here at _______________!  While we realize twins and possibly prematurity may add many unknowns, we do hope to have as natural and normal a labor and birth as possible. We really appreciate you doing all you can to help us with this goal.

Labor:
Our doula, _____________, will be a part of our labor team and we want her with us throughout labor, in the laboring room and OR, and in recovery or postpartum rooms.

We prefer as little medical interventions as possible, as long as labor is progressing naturally. 

• I would prefer intermittent and/or remote monitoring to allow for as much mobility as possible 
• I am GBS positive, but would prefer to not be attached to an IV after the meds are in. I would prefer a Hep Lock to a standard IV 
• I want to have the option to walk and labor in various positions, have access to a birth ball and the shower/bath if at all possible 
• I would prefer to manage pain naturally and without meds as long as possible.  I am okay with having an epidural placed prior to pushing stage, and would ideally like to have that placed & tested early in labor and then turned off until needed. 
• I had a bad experience with epidural placement at my previous birth (1st attempt was not successful, 2nd was “tricky”) and prefer the most experienced anesthesiologist available to work with me this time. 

 Birth:

• I DO NOT want an episiotomy, unless absolutely necessary.
• I would like each baby to be placed on my chest immediately after birth, unless surgical birth or health issues rule this out. 
• My husband (______________) would like to cut each baby’s cord. 
• If general anesthesia is necessary for a surgical birth, I would prefer the type and dosage be given in a way that allows me to regain consciousness as quickly as possible. 
•  If needed, I prefer post-operative pain medication that allows me to remain alert and able to interact with my babies

• We prefer that treatment of the babies’ eyes with drops or ointment be postponed until an hour or two after birth, so they can see clearly during early interaction. 
• I expect to keep any stable, healthy baby in my room with me from birth or as soon as possible. (I understand that the degree of rooming-in depends on both the babies’ and my conditions after birth.) 
• We prefer that any physical examinations, tests, etc. of the babies take place in my room.  
• We would like to decline the hepatitis vaccine at this time for both babies 
• We prefer no artificial infant formula, bottles of any kind or pacifiers be given to either baby, unless found medically necessary and after consultation with us. 
• Pediatrician: __________________________ Phone: _________________________

• Kangaroo Care: we would like to initiate skin-to-skin contact as soon as possible.
• Co-bedding: If both of our babies require NICU care, we would like them to be co-bedded in a single crib as soon as two are medically stable.

• Breastfeeding is extremely important to us. I want to attempt breastfeeding as soon as possible, within the first hour of birth if the babies health permits it. 
• If babies are unable to nurse, I would like access to a pump and want to start pumping as soon as possible after the birth. I had issues with milk supply in my first pregnancy and want to take all efforts to bring in a strong supply as soon as possible. 
• My husband has a severe dairy allergy, and their sister was intolerant to dairy until 18+ months. We would like to avoid any formula supplementation or breastmilk additives for this reason unless deemed medically necessary, and want to discuss the issue thoroughly with a doctor before any decisions are made. 
• If the babies cannot feed effectively at the breast at first, we would like to avoid bottles & artificial nipples, and would like to try alternatives such as cup or syringe feeding, finger feeding, or use of a supplemental nursing system. 
• I would like early and frequent assistance from a lactation consultant to establish effective latch and suck, and to ensure early breastfeeding success.

Thank you!!! We appreciate all you do to help our family at this special time!

 

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Hope somebody out there finds this useful!   At the time I was searching for it, I felt like there was a lack of info out there on attempting & navigating a "natural" (or close to that) birth of twins in a hospital setting.  I'd love to hear more stories, though!  If you had twins, what kind of birth did you have?  Do you have any suggestions or ideas for people hoping to do something similar?  

Today, Elsie started freaking out at the lunch table.  She was clawing at her nose,  which on closer inspection revealed a pea lodged in each nostril.  She could not breathe through her nose or get them out.  I told her to blow and she did, and the problem was solved, hopefully to not be repeated anytime soon.  While trying to hide my laughter, I told scary stories about children needing ER visits to get things like this out of noses, and noted that your mouth was the only orifice that she can put things into.  I know this is a common toddler activity, and I am actually surprised I made it through almost 4.5 years of parenting before this actually happened.  This is the child who still puts EveryFreakingThing into her mouth, so not really a shocker that she ended up trying this.  

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Last week, as you might have seen in my twitter feed, both Elsie and Delia made an escape out the front door, down the steps, through the (open? closed? I am not sure?) front gate, down the driveway, ACROSS THE STREET (at 5pm on a weeknight) and down to our mailboxes.  I, guiltily, was futzing around on Facebook, Lonnie was upstairs playing with Emma.  I knew Elsie and Delia had left the living room where they were playing, but assumed they had gone up with Lonnie and Emma.  Lonnie looked out our bedroom window at some point and saw them wandering down the street, with our neighbor trying to corral them.  Both had no shoes on and were wearing (or rather, trailing) silk fabric scarves for their "coats". We ran out to get them.  "We were checking the mail" of them said, "We held hands!".  

We have now reinstated the carabeener that is our makeshift gate lock (the latch on our gate is easily reachable by them).  They had never, ever given any indication of doing this before, and we had totally gotten lazy about it.  Whoops!

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Its definitely fascinating to watch the bond that E & D share grow and deepen.  They are best friends, clearly, and have so much fun together.  Lately, they have been getting into these silly laughing fits where they just crack each other up, with uproarious laughter, for 5-10 minutes at a time.  Sometimes its just something goofy they are taking turns doing, or copying each other, sometimes, I have no idea what is going on between them.  It happens daily, often multiple times a day.  Here is a video I shot from a little more than a month ago.  It had been going on for awhile before I started recording. Coincidentally, involving peas as well!

Then (September 2008):

 

Now (October 2010):  

I am only now getting back to the backlog of photos from last month -- many I took when we were down for a visit to my parents down in Vancouver.  During that trip, my small point-and-shoot encountered an unfortunate death by way of water (one of the kiddies accidentally dumped water into my open tech bag, and it went straight into my camera, with battery hole open because I was charging, whoops!).  Carrying around my bigger camera is not compatible with ushering passels of small children out and about, so I have not been taking as many photos of our recent outings. So, here are some from a few weeks ago, some indoor shots from Grandma and Grandpa's house -- it was rainy, but we didn't care!   

 

Lest these angelic photos mislead you, these two year olds are so TWO, and I swear, they have been creeping (and leaping) to a new level of exasperating.  They steal toys, freak out over the thought of sharing others, scream and holler, and bite and pull hair.  They have Very Strong Opinions about all sorts of things, including clothing, what they want to do (or eat),  and about what they can Do MY SELF.   They feed off each other (and Emma) and its both funny and really hard to deal with.  

Today, I attempted grocery shopping with all three, which I have done somewhat successfully from time to time, and it was a big failure.  Fighting over spots in the car cart (Emma), throwing toys and shoes (Delia) screaming, crying and clawing at my shirt (Elsie), biting and hair pulling (Delia again).   Whee!  There were many points where they were fine, but several rough patches, obviously, as I raced to finish my shopping. When its just two of them it usually goes pretty smoothly, but three just pushes us over the edge I guess!  Geesh!   

They also haven't been sleeping all that well (just too many wakeups at night and short naps -- they are still staying in their Big Kid Beds at night, for the most part).  Lack of sleep does not help the situation, though.  

They are also hilarious and amazing with their language and imaginative play, and when they do play together (which is often) it sometimes goes incredible well, so its not all bad!  I am just having a hard time adapting to the new normal, ha ha. 

More tomorrow!   

I've been meaning to post about this, but also wanting to wait and see how it went before reporting to the world.  It's been more than a week since Elsie and Delia transitioned into BIG KID BEDS, at age 27 months, and all is going well!  Though I guess the term "big kid bed" might be stretching it -- Elsie has a toddler bed with her crib mattress, and Delia is still sleeping on the floor with her crib mattress (her bed is coming soon!).  

When we returned home from visiting my parents a week and a half ago, Lonnie had a surprise for Elsie.  He had cut apart her crib (which we had already disassembled and didn't want to sell since it was recalled) and turned it into a cute little bed.  She was thrilled!  This was a surprise for me, as well.  Ha ha (gulp).  I was very happy with our gate bed solution, personally, but I knew this was coming, sooner rather than later.  Elsie had climbed over the gate on her first day without the crib (see below -- never at bedtimes though!), and Delia was climbing out of the Pack and Play occasionally at my parents place.  For the most part, they liked the comfort & enclosure of the gates/cribs though, so they didn't do it often.    

How Delia managed to push her bed over there is beyond me!

Elsie the escape artist (she'd asked to be in there to play)


Elsie's new Big Kid Bed (same shirt, a different day) 

The bed is so darn cute, with its itty bittyness, and all!  And free is a very good price!  Another post is coming soon with more specifics of how Lonnie did it....

Delia's crib was not the same style and could not be crafted into toddler bed in this way.  She was (understandably) a bit distraught when she realized she still had a "gate bed" and Elsie had a big kid bed with no gate (having the gate around it felt really unsafe, at that point).  We took Delia's gate away too, and Lonnie took her shopping the next day to get wood to build her a bed from scratch.  It is almost done --  here is it in progress, more pictures tomorrow or Tuesday when we get it set after the finish dries!

Delia's bed in progress

After all I've read (and heard about first person) about the horrors of transitioning room-sharing multiples out of cribs (pretty much all of them across the board were NOT GOOD, with hours of chaos at bedtimes and lost sleep, etc etc etc.  Yipes!) I was definitely hesitant about all this.  Lonnie, on the other hand, always thought it would go fine (so now he's in a bit of a gloating phase, ha ha).  While it's still too early to proclaim total success, I do think we have been both lucky and well-prepared for this. Here are some of the things we did or set in place before the transition that probably helped:  

• Having a very (VERY) regular bedtime (7-7:30), and sticking to it (and our routine, including shades and white noise/"sleeping music" & nursing) always.  I can literally count on one hand (probably less, actually) the number of times they've gone to bed later than 8 in the past year or so.  I know we are lucky, though it did take a lot of work and perseverance at first.  We are therefore not flexible about evening activities, which means missing out on a lot of stuff sometimes, but for us, it's so very worth it!

• Using a Good Nite Lite.  This is a light with an internal clock timer that you can set for bedtime and "wake up time".   It's supposed to plug right into a wall outlet but we have it in an extension cord that is propped on top of a dresser (so the light is facing out, cord down the back, fitted with one of these if your kids mess with cords). When it's time for sleep, it lights up blue, with a moon.  When it's the approved wake up time, it switches to a yellow sun.  While it's certainly not foolproof (it is only a glorified nightlight, after all!), it has helped us a lot, especially if we "talk it up".  I think having this solidly in place for 6 months now made them not question it during the bed transition. 

• For months leading up to this, I have been talking it up with them about what "kids need to know how to do" in order to have Big Kid Beds.  Now that we are here, I've summed it up into three rules 1) You MUST ask before getting in to play your sisters bed during the day (they are very protective of their beds, Delia in particular -- as it is one of their only private spaces) 2) DO NOT EVER WAKE YOUR SISTER if she is sleeping, and 3) DO NOT get out of bed when "the moon is on".

• It is also very true that we have just been lucky!  Elsie and Delia are pretty mellow, easy-going kids,  even though they feel like hooligans compared to their big sis sometimes.  While they have had challenges with waking up in the night and early (early!) mornings, bedtime has been easy for quite awhile -- they just don't have the challenges that many kids have with separating and winding down for sleep at this time.  They are also really good at language -- both receptive and communicating themselves, so they "get it" and can repeat back to us what the expectations are

Here's one of my favorite pictures of Elsie (left) and Delia (right), which is currently in the running for photo of the week over at Multiples and More -- go vote!  

This was back in early May, when it was still kinda chilly (hence the fleece coats!), but sunny enough to bust out the water table.  Elsie and Delia looooove the water and do not mind getting wet (if I recall, several feet, complete with socks and shoes, also went into the water -- ha ha!)    

Linking up with Wordless Wednesday posts over at A Lot of Loves and Hobo Mama.   

Awhile back, I posted about our toddler bed transition connundrum with our twins, Elsie and Delia.  Mainly, how to manage the transition from cribs to Big Kid Beds, with two crazy two year olds.  

I have slowly, SLOWLY, been getting used to the idea, that at some point somewhat soonish, this is going to have to happen.  Lonnie also agreed that we don't need to push it, or at least relented to my adamant refusal to jump on board, ha ha!

I felt like any change was pushing our luck -- Elsie and Delia go to bed so well in their cribs, now.  Bedtime, for both naps and night, is a breeze, which is HUGE, I know, I truly truly know from our experiences with Emma (and the early days E& D!) and from so many other friends stories.  Now, they still wake up many nights at least once, and are early early early birds, so its not all sawing logs around here, trust me.  But for the most part, I am really happy with our sleep situation.  

Which is why, a month or so ago, I was very distressed to find out that not one but BOTH of our cribs were unsafe.  One, Elsie's, which we bought new for Emma, was recalled due to the dropside.  I knew this was coming, and can get some hardware to immobilize that side, making it safe.  Delia's, however, which we got used from another family, ended up being too old for a recall, but is also considered unsafe to use.  No fixes there.  That one always felt a bit more rickety, and after hearing that, I freaked out and knew it had to go.  

Delia's last day in her crib, sniff sniff!

But, what to do?  New cribs, for just a short time?  Cribs that convert to toddler beds?  We really prefer larger sized beds, so we can lie down with them if needed, so toddler beds aren't our top choice.  Just bite the bullet and switch to Big Kid Beds (single beds) and hope for the best, in terms of nighttime shenanigans?  

None of these options sounded good.  But I really wanted to get rid of that one crib in particular.  So, I had an idea.  We took down the crib, and put Delia's mattress on the floor.  Then, I brought out the old Super Yard (yes, the one that we used outside to gate off the front steps so they could play on the front porch, all of last year!).  After a VERY thorough cleaning, it found a new home.  Here we are trying it out for the first time (Delia is very pleased, and Elsie was quite envious, though accepting, of Delia's new bed.  When asked what kind of bed she has now, she says "Gate!".  Ha!  

Basically, it is a crib on the ground (which I can fit into!).  If she wanted to, she could climb it I'm sure, but neither of the girls have seriously considered climbing out of their cribs, so so far this hasn't been an issue. The mattress fits pretty well, though there is a gap on one side I stuff with blankets, and a foot or two space at the end of the bed (I wouldn't use this with an infant, for that reason!).  It has worked great -- she likes it and sleeps just as well in it as the old crib.  The only issue I have is that when both E & D fall asleep nursing with me in the glider for naptime (they don't at bedtime anymore) I can't ease her in, one armed in the football hold, the way I used to.  They are getting so big, and the bed is so low!  Going to have to figure that one out...

Obviously this is a temporary stage.  I've already found a second gate to borrow (thanks to my multiples club classifieds, woohoo!) so we will be doing this for Elsie's as well (she is pleased, and I am excited that this may solve the jumping wake up issue).  Soon, I will try opening one of the sides on their gates, and see if they will stay in bed when told (we still use a monitor, so I go to them when they wake & need me in the night).  If the crazy bedtime challenges start happening that I have read so much about (with them waking each other up, getting in each others beds, playing and causing chaos instead of sleeping) we will deem it Not Time Yet and close them back up.  

Once we get them sleeping well in the open beds, we'll move to (much cuter) Big Kid Beds.  They are very interested in this -- Delia insists she will be getting a "Maisy Big Girl Bed" and luckily, Grandma Cynthia is going to make that happen with some cute quilts and pillows, hooray!  

What has your experience been with the Big Kid Bed transition?  Any tricks for twins or sibs who share a room?  I'd love to hear it!  

There is something about twins...and I have been seeing it more and more lately!  They just have such a connection, an acceptance of each other, a familiarity... 

I have read about the "twin mystique" -- the romanticizing of twins that occurs in our society, which affects how people treat them and creates so much pressure for them to be close, to be similar, to deny their individuality for the sake of "the twinship" -- and it is very possible I am reading into it, buying into the glamourous "mystery" of twins.  I think thats so easy to do, especially as a non-twin (and an only child!).  

I do think different-aged siblings can also have a similarly close connection -- when you are around someone so much, share a room, share activities, share clothes, share a childhood, this just happens, I am sure.  I do see similarly touching moments between Emma and Elsie or Emma and Delia, just not as often, and there is something different --  they are not on a level playing field, there is a power or knowledge or maturity imbalance that just changes things, however slightly.  With Elsie and Delia, they are the same age, have most of the same abilities, very similar interests, and a closeness that comes from doing so much together, in step with each other, due to constant proximity, if nothing else.  

Lately, they have been mentioning the other when they are apart, and it is obvious they are thinking of each other.  They are not like some twins I have heard of, who cry or mope when separated -- not at all!  They do certainly notice, though, and are sometimes pretty excited to be doing something by themselves!  I believe strongly in spending time with them individually, taking them out for one-on-one time, and it hasn't been happening as often as I'd like.  As they get older, I hope they will insist on this, and I will try to as well.  But we will also cherish the together times, and I look forward to seeing what happens as they grow.   

Playing in the fort at Emma's school

On our hike, Elsie called Delia back to point out and discuss these tree roots coming out of the ground. They examined and talked about them together for a long time.

 If you have twins (or are a twin!), what do you think about the "twin mystique"?  Are your twins close, and do they seem to share a special connection?

This post is part of the Mom's 30-Minute Blog Challenge over at Steady Mom.  A concept I wish I could stick to more often!  

I am having a toddler room sharing dilemma -- which I am sure is quite common.  Elsie now insists on jumping in her crib, very very vigorously (squeak squeak squeak! Bump bump bump!), and throwing her sippy cup (Thud!) and then stuffed animals out the moment she wakes in the morning (or from nap).  Which is generally 5:40 am or so, for the former.  

It is clearly waking up Delia AND Emma (who is in the next room over, behind a closed door!).  Elsie & Delia have a nightlight that cues when its wakeup time (right now set for 6am) and for awhile there she was really good about waiting -- not sure if she was lying there awake waiting for "Sun Come On!" or just sleeping later.   But now, that is not happening. Again.    

Its not like 20 minutes is a huge deal, either.  My issue is less that she is waking a bit earlier than I'd like and more about the jumping/waking sibs up. Though I do kind of fear that she will keep pushing it earlier and earlier  -- back to the 4:30-5am wakeups we were having awhile ago-- horrors!  I am not a morning person!  And I feel bad for both Delia and Emma -- they could use the sleep.  Until recently both Elsie and Delia would start talking or calling for me, which doesn't seem to wake each other as much.  The jumping, nobody ever sleeps through.    

What would YOU do?  Is there anything TO do at this age (two years old)?  I have told her not to jump but ha ha ha, yeah right.  Jumping is SO FUN!!! Especially if it causes your sister to then wake and jump, too, in unison!!!  I get that, and agree.  Pretty fun stuff.  But still!  Don't freaking wake your sister!  This is my biggest fear with the whole looming crib to big kid bed transition, and I know this is nothing compared to what we may face (oh hello, here I come to SIT ON YOU, sleeping sister, WAKE UUUUUUUUUP!).  I just am trying to figure out if there is something I can say or do to eliminate this.  

Probably not.  

Alas.  

Oh, toddlers... 

Two weeks ago, I got to lead a meeting about babywearing for my multiples club.  So much fun!  I got to share my experiences and knowledge with about 10-15 other families with twins, all under a year, most under 4 months.   

I think a lot of parents of twins think that wearing two babies in carriers is too complicated, too uncomfortable, or just not possible -- that even if you put one in a carrier, you still have to use a stroller for the other, so why bother!  Its true, some aspects of babywearing are different with twins.   I wore mine at different times and in general less often than my singleton, especially as they got older.  But its still so worth it!  

Babies love (and need!) to be held, and twins, unfortunately, don't always get as much contact time due to the logistics of being a twin.  This is one of the hardest parts of being a parent of newborn twins! Being in arms or in a carrier helps calm and comfort a baby, it helps them "get organized" with regards to sleep, feeding, digestion, breathing & temperature regulation.  It helps them bond and connect with their caregivers.  There are so many other great benefits to being physically connected to your newborn.  

Early on, my sanity (and my back) was saved by wearing two fussy crying screaming babies and calming them to sleep by bouncing them both, at the same time, on the yoga ball.  I was able walk my toddler to daycare up steps not navigable by my stroller, by wearing one on my back and one on my front.  I was able to nurse my babies discreetly in stores, at the park, on a walk -- since I was pretty much nursing around the clock, if I wanted to go anywhere, I was going to have to nurse one or both of them at some point during the outing.  

Of course if there are two adults around, you can each wear a baby and ditch the giant double stroller.  If you are by yourself, you can wear one baby and put the other in a more reasonably sized single stroller, avoiding SOME of the "twin sniffing" that can be an annoyance when you just want to get through your walk or finish your shopping without a conversation with every person you meet along the way.  Another bonus of babywearing is that you can wear one baby (the fussy or sleepy one, generally) and then interact or play with baby number two (who also needs some lovin', but is not as needy or demanding, perhaps!).  

One baby in a stretchy wrap (Moby), one in the stroller means room for big sister!

Anyway, back to the babywearing meeting!  I started off by talking about the recent safety concerns.  There was a lot in the news a few months back about the safety of a few certain slings in particular, and also a few things about babywearing and carriers in general.   Here's the brief bullet points I addressed on that (I went into more detail in the meeting, obviously).  Please note:  I am not a doctor, nor do I consider myself an "expert" in carriers.  I am a mom who has used carriers with my own kids.  The information that follows is from my own experiences, gathered from speaking to knowledgable friends, and from reading online.   

• The main carrier that was recalled 2010 was the Infantino Sling Rider.  From what I understand, this was due to several defects in the design -- a plastic piece in it would break and the carrier would drop, and, perhaps more importantly, the sling was too deep and "bag like" and the baby would not get enough oxygen.  Do not use "bag style" slings, they are not safe.  
• In any carrier, you want your baby "close enough to kiss".  They should not be hiding or slouching down under a lot of fabric.  You should be able to see and touch your baby, they should be positioned high on your chest or back, not sagging down by your stomach or waist. 
• In any carrier, avoid chin-to-chest curling.  You should be able to fit two adult fingers in between the babies chest and chin.  Tummy to tummy holds are ideal, with firm support along the back to keep them from slouching.  Cradle and other reclined positions are more challenging to do safely. 
• Avoid having very young or at risk infants pressing their faces hard into your chest or body.  Turn their heads gently, so that they can get air more easily.  If you can hear your young baby's breathing (and they are not otherwise stuffy or sick), something is not right; the baby is expending too much energy breathing.  Try adjusting or repositioning.   
• Babies at risk of having these problems are almost always newborns, under 4 months of age.  Low-birthweight twins, preemies, and babies with respiratory problems are at higher risk.  Definitely something to keep in mind, especially since twins are more often affected by these things, but also note that once your child is older, has neck control and is able to move his head to the side on his own, there is much less risk -- many of these things are no longer a concern. 

Now, onward, to the fun stuff!  Here are the questions I found I get asked most about babywearing twins, and my current answers! 

What is your favorite carrier? 

My all-time favorites for newborns and infants are ring slings, due to the infinite adjustability.  Once you've used it a bit, you can get a baby in, tight and comfortable in no time.  They were easy for me to nurse in, very discreetly.  My favorite ring slings are made by Sleeping Baby Productions, either made by her (Jan Andreas), or homemade using her pattern for the gathered shoulder.  Other favorites of mine was a homemade K'Tan carrier (I assume the real thing would be just as good, or better!) and the Kangaroo Korner Adjustable Fleece pouch.  

For older infants and toddlers, I like the Kozy Carrier (I know other brands of mei tais, like the Babyhawk, are great too).  I also really love the Beco Butterfly -- it spreads weight really well on two shoulders and your hips (especially important as the baby gets bigger), and with the infant insert was KEY to my wearing two babies at once.

 
Beco Butterfly

How do you wear two babies at once?  Is there a carrier that can fit two babies?

I was never really able to wear two newborn babies in one carrier.  There is at least one on the market that I know would be absolutely horrible on the back and not that great for the babies either -- not worth it!  Some people have luck with wearing both in a stretchy carrier like the K'Tan or Moby (or any wrap for that matter) but I never was -- my girls were too big and would smoosh and bonk against each other.  I have heard of folks using one wrap with a baby on the front and one on the back when they are older, though!  

I have also seen pictures of crisscrossing two babies in two stretchy pouches, or two ring slings.  I prefer one baby on my back, one on my front, which means you need to wait until your babies have a bit of head control.  

Oh, tired Daddy with two babies in the (homemade) pouch!

How young can you put a baby on your back?   What kind of carrier can I use?  

While I've seen videos of folks nimbly getting a newborn on their back in a wrap, that is waaaaay beyond my babywearing skillz!  I waited until my babies were about 2.5 months, with decent head control (my twins were big full term babies, however) before trying a back carry with my Beco Butterfly.  The Beco Butterfly has an "infant insert" that makes it really quite easy to get a young baby in and up safely.  In the insert, they nestled down low and tight enough that I felt safe about their head not flopping around.  I would put the baby in the carrier on the sofa or a chair, then put the carrier on my back, like a backpack.  There must be other carriers that work for getting infants on your back, but I do not personally know of any! 

What combinations of carriers can you use to wear two babies on front and back?  

There are a bunch of carrier combinations that work with this!  Hooray!  It really depends on what carriers you have, how old your babies are, and what your preferences are.  I have heard of using two mei tais, or a combo of a wrap (on the front) and a mei tai (on the back).  You can do a mei tai on the front, and a soft structured carrier on the back.  For older babies & toddlers, two soft structured carriers works well. Or, a wrap on the back, a structured carrier on the front.   Or two wraps!  The key with the combinations is to figure out how to keep the straps, buckles or knots from one carrier from bothering the baby on the other side.  It can be tricky at first, but there is usually a way to work it!  

I mostly wore my twins together when they were under 6 months -- and not for long periods of time --  so the stretchy/soft carriers in the front were great. My favorite combination was Beco on my back, the K'tan Carrier on my front.  Later, the Beco on my back, a ring sling on my front.  I would put the front carrier on loosely without the baby, then put the baby in the Beco and on my back.  Then I'd slip the second baby into the front carrier, tighten it up, and we'd be off!  Once they were asleep, I could ease the Beco off my back onto the bed, and the baby would stay asleep! Then I could sloooooowly lower the front baby off and into her bed, and I'd be free.  For a few minutes, anyway...

 
Homemade carrier (similar to K'Tan) on front, Beco Butterfly on Back @ 2.5 months old, Beco on back, Ergo on front @ 2 years

I know folks who have tandem worn their twins as they have gotten older, into toddlerdom, but I will admit I have not, at least not often.  I love the idea of this, but in reality, wearing two means I cannot carry my backpack diaper bag, nor can I assist or interact well with my preschooler.  My girls learned early on to enjoy their stroller (unlike their big sis!) so more often than not these days (or especially when they were younger and walking less), I opt for the stroller.  The stroller is a good option, too, sometimes!  Its doesn't have to be one or the other, all or nothing.

I do keep reminding myself that there are so many situations where putting one of my toddlers in a carrier might really help, a lot!  When we are shopping and there is only a regular cart -- with one child seat, for example!  Or when one is having a rough time, fighting, biting, sick or just needing mama, and I am busy with chores around the house or with my other two kids.  Even my four year old adores being worn (and "babied") in a carrier, and with the right carrier, it really is quite comfortable!  

Didymos "Jonas" wrap

I forget -- and need to keep reminding myself -- that even at two and four years old, my babies are really still so young, needing the touch and closeness that babywearing can provide.

Do you have babywearing questions or advice?  Experience with wearing twins?  Suggestions for carriers for other twin parents to try out? What combinations work best for you?  I'd love to hear them, please leave a comment below!   

 This post is part of the Babywearing Blog Carnival over on the Babywearing Videos Blog -- check out lots of other posts there!