Intrepid Murmurings

Whoa, today was one of those days.  It started early, too early, which is probably the source of a lot of it.  The combo of a late night for me, a sick-ish kid, three super early-risers and general cabin fever was not a good one.  Emma didn't get to go to school, the kids were bickering and annoying each other like crazy (to the point of actual violence), and even though I was trying to keep on top of things there was a lot of drama and emotion going on.  I managed to keep my cool, most of the time, surprisingly enough (this is not always the case, let me tell you!). But it was exhausting!  

While I feel like I am absolutely still in progress with all of this, here are a few things that sometimes (sometimes!) help us get through the rough patches.  Some are more for the kids, some more for me, but since I am the weather these things often benefit us all.  Some take only a few minutes, but really help my mindset.  Sometimes, nothing works all that well, but at least we tried!   

• Let go of expectations (mainly, what I plan to get done & how I intend this day will go)
• Get out of the house, go to the park, the store, anywhere!
• Find something to all do together
• Or quiet time apart!
• Connect with one kid while the others watch TV
• Let them all watch TV for a little bit.  We all need a break!
• Nurse the nurslings
• Read stories & cuddle
• Play outside
• Be silly!  Laugh.
• Get the kids into the bath
• Go downstairs/upstairs/change locations
• Get out a new toy or activity (not necessarily new, but something that hasn't been out lately)
• Feed the kids a snack, or make snack the main meal
• Turn on feel-good music 
• Early naps or bedtime! Sometimes we just need this! 
• Eat a healthy snack or meal if I have not lately.
• Make bread (in the bread machine, not by hand, though I am sure that's great too!).  This is just a quick thing makes me feel really productive, so I feel better!
• Quickly (quickly!) clear the main rooms of toy clutter  and dishes, wipe down the counters, whatever.  Again with the productiveness. And making our home calm, I guess. 
• Then sit down with tea, chocolate, wine, or all three!

Enjoying rare sunshine in January.  Why not bust out the water play? 

Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Learning from children

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared the many lessons their children have taught them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

Organization helps.  A lot. 

Predictability is comforting.

Spontaneity keeps things interesting.

Take time to enjoy the Little Things

Storytelling helps us make sense of our world.  Stories are everywhere!

Forgive.  And Move On.  

Cuddles are Important

Challenge yourself!

Celebrate Often

Always be generous with your love...

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 11 with all the carnival links.)

• Affection — Alicia at I Found My Feet has finally become a hugger and kisser, now she has someone sweet and small to snuggle with. (@aliciafagan)
• Learning from Daniel — Amy at Anktangle hopes that she and her husband will always be open to learning from their son. (@anktangle)
• Kids Cultivate Awareness of Universal Truths — From forgiveness to joy, Amy Phoenix at Innate Wholeness has become aware of deep truths that come naturally to children. (@InnateWholeness)
• What the Apple Teaches the Tree — Becky at Future Legacy has learned about imagination, forgiveness, and strength.
• A Lesson in Slowing Time — Bethy at Bounce Me To the Moon revels in the chance to just be with her baby.
• Learning From My Children: I Am So Honored — WAHM Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey is learning to choose tea parties over work. (@MyMotheringPath)
• P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E — Now that she's a mother, Danielle at born.in.japan is finally learning about a personality trait she lacked. (@borninjp)
• Top 5 Homeschool Lessons My Children Taught Me — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares what she learned from homeschooling her (now grown) children. (@DebChitwood)
• Learning to Live in the Present By Looking to the Future — Dionna at Code Name: Mama finds the patience to be a gentle parent, because she knows how fleeting childhood really is. (@CodeNameMama)
• The watchful Buddha boy — At Dreaming Aloud, they are learning to cherish their thoughtful, sensitive child in a action-driven, noisy world. (@DreamingAloudNt)
• What My Children Taught Me — Dulce de Leche's children have taught her to value herself for the wonderful person and mother she is.
• Lessons from the First Year — Having a child made Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama realize that her decisions affect more than just herself. (@CrunchyishMama)
• Lessons from Loss — Erica at ChildOrganics learned so much from the love — and loss — of her sweet Bella, five years ago. (@ChildOrganics)
• The Socratic Baby — Erin at Multiple Musings has so-called "identical" twins to serve as a daily lesson in nature vs. nurture. (@ErinLittle)
• Learning to be a Mother — Farmer's Daughter learned the type of patience that enabled her to calmly eat one-handed for months and change clothes seven times a day, before noon. (@FarmDaughter)
• A Few Things Being a Mom Has Taught Me — Heather at Musing Mommy shares the curious, hilarious, and sometimes Murphy's Law-like tidbits we learn from our children. (@xakana)
• I Feel You — Motherhood has taught Jamey from At the Bee Hive empathy, and it extends beyond just her child. (@JameyBly)
• Lessons From My Child… — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy shares the inspiring ways she's learned to expect the unexpected — and have a camera ready! (@imaftmummy)
• My child is my mirror — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama has seen herself in her children – and it's not bad. (@crunchychewy)
• There is enough to go around… — Kellie at Our Mindful Life learned that love doesn't diminish when it's shared.
• Learning From Our Children, Every Day — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia, Canada is continually inspired by her children. (@UsborneBooksCB)
• Life Lessons From My Children — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood has learned that every slug is fascinating, doing the dishes is fun, and sharing a banana is a delight. (@crunchymamato2)
• Things I've Learned From My Children — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings uses pictures to share what she has learned from her children. (@sunfrog)
• Beyond the questions lies the answer — Lauren at Hobo Mama stopped wondering and started knowing — loving and liking our children comes naturally. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Learning from Children — Lily, aka Witch Mom, finds out just how enchanting balloons can be. (@LilyShahar)
• Lifelong Learning — Lindsay at Living in Harmony has learned that what works for one kid might not work for another. (@AttachedMama)
• Walking alongside my daughter — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude is learning to give the clock less power over her family's life.
• Things my baby taught me about me — Luschka at Diary of a First Child is proud of how she has grown as a mother. (@lvano)
• From my children, I have learned — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip has a litany of beautiful lessons, from selflessness to sleeplessness.
• The Little Things in Life — In a simple and lovely prose poem, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shows how adults worry about the wrong things and forget the little, important ones: watching ladybugs, jumping in leaves, cherishing each moment as it comes.
• The Virtues of Motherhood — Melissa at The New Mommy Files has had opportunities to learn from children as both a teacher and a mother. (@NewMommyFiles)
• My Kids Have Taught Me That It's Time To Stop Blogging — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has learned that childhoods fly by too fast to blog. We'll miss your wonderful online presence, Melodie, and we wish you much peace and happiness. (@bfmom)
• Having Kids Has Taught me a Thing or Two — Michelle at The Parent Vortex learns all day long — from fun facts about hedgehogs to tying a complicated wrap with a screaming child and an audience. (@TheParentVortex)
• We Could All Learn from the Children — Momma Jorje takes time to get on the floor and play so that she can see the world through her child's eyes.
• Teaching Forgiveness — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog has a daughter who's taught her unconditional love — even when she feels like she does't deserve it. (@littlegreenblog)
• Parenting as a joint venture — Olivia at Write About Birth appreciates watching the astonishing way her children learn. (@writeaboutbirth)
• Beginner's Mind — Rachael at The Variegated Life learns from a child who builds bridges to nowhere, calls letter magnets his numbers, and insists dinnertime is truck time. (@RachaelNevins)
• A baby's present — RS at A Haircut and a Shave presents a short poem on the differences between a baby's mindfulness and ours.
• Self-Confidence Was Born With My Daughter — Sara at Halfway Crunchy learned to trust her instincts by responding to her child's needs — and saw her self-confidence bloom.
• The Importance of Being Less Earnest — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante has one list of earnest and one list of silly things she has learned as a parent. (@seonaid_lee)
• Lessons my children have taught me — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes learned that attachment parenting was the best way to meet the needs of her child and herself. (@Sheryljesin)
• Till the water is clear — Stacy at Mama-Om learns that being present is the best present. (@mama_om)
• I Hold It — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine has learned that the ability to communicate is much more important than the number of words a child knows.
• What My Children Taught Me About Letting Go — Summer at Finding Summer is learning from her kids to laugh in the face of heartache. (@summerminor)
• Finding My Tools — The Artsymama has applied some of what she's learned as a mama in the classroom, with great results!

Five parts of our day that are currently going well: 

1. evening bedtime (woohoo!)
2. playtime (usually, unless somebody gets too bossy!)
3. naps/rest time
4. afternoons, if activities are set out/planned (otherwise, unpleasant TV badgering sets in)
5. car rides and outings

I recently read a post over on API Speaks, where the author was sharing her thoughts (and worries) about potential child spacing. Man, have I thought about this issue a LOT.  It is a much-discussed topic among parents of young children -- there are so many of us wondering if, when (and sometimes how) to grow our families, and what, in an ideal world, would work best for our own particular circumstances. (I will admit here that as an ex-infertile I know how frustrating the whole "timing" discussions can be for some people -- when folks just assume they will get pregnant on the drop of a hat when they decide.  I feel much less annoyed by it all now, having put some distance -- and three kids -- between those challenging times for us.)

In attachment parenting circles, it seems a lot of folks worry about spacing too closely, wanting to allow each child as much attention and connection as possible in the early years.  Some practical issues definitely color this decision for some, in terms of bedsharing/cosleeping, breastfeeding beyond infancy, and babywearing.  Many of us agree that those are all great physical parenting tools for toddlers and preschoolers, not just infants, but if a new baby comes along, sometimes its just not possible to manage that kind of contact with two (or more, ha) kids.  Having two or more kids under 2,  3 or even 4 or 5 can be really draining, tapping a parent's emotional and physical resources beyond what feels comfortable.  Maintaining a solid attachment to two or more babies or toddlers, and finding ways to "fill up their cups" (giving one-one attention) is HARD.  Gentle, positive discipline takes time, energy, and patience that is sometimes lacking when there are many small people and lots of big needs.  

Lonnie and I always knew we wanted at least two kids.  I think we both kind of hoped to space them closely, while we were still young and energetic (ha) and not very entrenched in our grown-up routines and kid-free lifestyle (maybe this is projecting, though I see it as a benefit, after the fact).  Career-wise, I was in a place where I was not sure where I wanted to go, and staying home with kids was an easy sell. Starting a new career after one baby, then taking a break in a year or two for number two and/or three just didn't make sense.   Close spacing seemed right for us.  

Since we had fertility issues before conceiving Emma, we wanted to start trying again soonish, expecting it to take years, possibly. I started gently spacing Emma's frequent nursing during the day at 15 months, and had my first period within two weeks. And then, shockingly, conceived twins that next cycle. OMG!  We were both overjoyed that it had not been difficult to conceive this time around, and freaked out (at least I was) that it had happened SO soon.  That was not exactly how I had envisioned it.  

I then got pretty sick and tired that first tri, and felt SO AWFUL about it all — Emma was still so young, so needy, sensitive and clingy, and I felt like I was unable to mother her the way I wanted.  I fretted about my connection to her, her having to grow up too soon, all the changes we were going to have to make, yada yada yada.  Some of that was valid, but some was just the emotional issues from being pregnant and tired, for sure. It was SO rough, especially as we adjusted to the news, but it was also just a blip, in the longer term.

We did have to start making changes, though. First nightweaning Emma (which we actually started before I knew I was pregnant), then moving her to her own bed and room (while still cosleeping with her for quite awhile– gradually less as she grew used to it). Lonnie took on more and more of her care, especially at bedtime, though I was still home with her all day.  I weaned her completely around 20 months (a little more than halfway through my pregnancy) — I knew I could not nurse 3 after they were born!  We also started her in daycare a few mornings a week, to give me a break (we were also moving, so I had to pack!). That was HARD, and she reacted strongly to being separated at first, but we kept trying and she eventually got used to it and started having fun.

I probably would have held off on many of those changes for a bit longer -- or not done it at all -- if I had not been pregnant.  I think she was for the most part ready for them, though was pushed a bit more than I'd prefer.  But each step, taken over the span of 9 months or so, really did help us all prepare for the babies' arrival.  Making changes slowly, gradually over the course of weeks and months, allowed Emma (and me!) to adjust pretty well.   She stepped up to the new challenges and surprised me, adapting pretty quickly to the new ways of doing things. 

Emma was two when Elsie and Delia were born. 3 under 3 is definitely hard, and crazy, and exhausting! We were lucky that Emma loved babies (real and pretend) and enjoyed helping out, and also was pretty good at playing independently.  She didn't seem to need the level of physical activity that I know some toddlers need, too -- thank goodness -- since we didn't get out very much!   At the time we were just in survival mode for a good 7-8 months, but I was pretty much expecting that since we were having twins, so it felt okay.   There were many times, though, where I struggled with what I felt was best for babies (in terms of sleep, physical contact, and responding to cries) and what I was able to do with twins and a toddler. I hated having to do some things differently than I had with Emma (including letting Elsie and Delia cry it out for naptime), but then again, the girls all seemed to adapt and go with the flow pretty well, and never seemed worse for wear.    

Many people talk about the "village" or "tribe" concept, in terms of having a community that supports mothers during the early days, months, and years.  I think this is HUGE.  Our culture is just not designed to support new mothers with young children.  Our extended families are far apart, we are so removed from our neighbors, and our communities (workplaces included) often don't have good, welcoming spaces or policies that include and support young children and the mothers who care for them.  Taking care of the needs of several (or more) babies or toddlers by yourself is crazy making, and sometimes physically impossible.  

Despite all the modern appliances and baby gear stacked around our house, and a wealth of information about baby care and twins easily searched for online or in books, what I really needed in the early days (and arguably still now!) was more sets of loving arms, more friends, relatives and peers working side by side with me, sharing chores, swapping stories and advice. I am still so thankful that we did have one grandparent or another living with us for the first 2.5 months after Elsie and Delia were born -- whew!  I literally could not have done it (breastfeeding, anyway) without that. I do feel like now, at home alone during the day with 3 kids under 5,  I am not the best parent I could be, in terms of staying calm, gentle and positive, because I am overwhelmed with need and toddler antics.

So in retrospect, in an ideal world, wider spacing would probably have been better for us at least during these early months and years, especially withtwins!  There are things I certainly wished I could have done differently -- both for Emma as a toddler, Elsie and Delia as infants, and even all three, now.  On the flip side, the spacing worked great for us in terms of my staying home with them, condensing this period of caring for young children into a few short years.  And at age two, Emma adjusted to the “new normal” of having two babies in the house super, super fast — she soon could not remember life without her sisters, so we had very little jealousy issues.  Now at age two and four, they all play really well together, and I see that only getting better and better...

There are pros and cons to all different spacings, and I know folks who swear by each of them. And no matter what you "plan", this kind of thing doesn't always go according to your schedule, anyway! No matter what happens, you make it work the best you can.  Some phases are challenging, but kids grow and change so fast, no one stage will last forever.  This is what keeps me going, when the going gets rough! 

What are/were your thoughts or plans for child spacing?  Did it pan out for you, or do you wish it had gone a bit differently?  What have you learned along the way?  

Ten simple things bringing me joy this week:

 

Peeps sharing a family meal

I love organization.  I love reading about it, I love looking at pictures of it,  and occasionally, I am good at accomplishing it myself.  I can do it if I try.  I just, often, don't.  Or, rather, I get overwhelmed, or distracted, or just lazy, and then ignore what needs to be done.  This has always been the case with me, but motherhood definitely makes it more obvious. Ha ha!  

One thing I've been thinking about (for months now) is how I needed to revamp the structure to our days.  I need to be more intentional about what we (and I) do, so that all the fun projects and ideas I have -- as well as the chores -- don't get continually pushed off to another day, or totally forgotten.  So many times I tell Emma "we can do that tomorrow" and then we never do, and she and I feel bad (I'm still mostly off the hook with the little ones, though I'm sure they'll start holding me to my words soon, too) .  

Waaaaaay back in April, I posted about being more intentional about daily planning and scheduling, and also brainstormed all the ideas I had about what exactly I wanted us to be doing.  But then, I was never able to make the leap and fill out a daily plan.  Writing down exactly what comes when is apparently akin to scheduling dental work, for me.  And so, here we are, it's now mid-August.  

But!  I had an epiphany last week, and it only took me another week to get it to fruition.  Progress!  I realized instead of an hourly, do-this-now kind of daily schedule, what I needed was more of a collection of ideas.  A guide, but with no particular order imposed.  So I created a form with all the elements that I knew I wanted, bringing together various lists I had going, either in my head, on paper, or on my computer.  I printed a bunch of them, and have them on a clipboard that I can carry wherever I want.  

What's on my daily plan page?  A to-do list, with space for only 6 (!) things, including outings, I want to remember and accomplish.  A space to write in meal plans: breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack (dinners I try to fill out ahead weekly, the rest kind of fall into place a few days, or hours, in advance).  

I also created boxes for different types of activities I want to make sure we get to each day: independent play (things the kids do alone, by themselves), cooperative play (things they do together, for the most part, but hopefully without my constant assistance), and "projects together" (things I do WITH them, either one-on-one or as a group).   I also put a box for TV, so I can keep track of who's turn it is to pick, and what or how much they've watched (I limit it to an hour a day, sometimes its less).   

At the top right corner, I left a blank space big enough to clip on one of the Positive Discipline Tool Cards, which are kind of a cheat sheet/memory jog for various positive discipline strategies I am trying to work on.  I've been trying to figure out how to use these cards, and I think this will be a great way to remember to look at them! 

I also left some bank spaces, either for more activity ideas, notes, or to jot down quotes or funny things I want to remember.  So far, its been working well! Some days I get to it more than others, but even if I haven't filled out every box, the fact that its on the page is enough of a reminder.  And never fear!  There are plenty of days when we don't get to many of the activities or tasks on the list!  But, then I can just circle it and transfer it to another day.  I think this should help a lot! 

How much do you plan out your day with kids?  Have you written out a schedule?  Are you a list person like me?  How structured are you, and how do you remember what you want to accomplish each day? 

Today I had three sick kids on my hands.  It is late June and it is still cold and grey and wet outside, as it has been off and on all spring.  What the heck?  I am pretty used to soggy weather growing up around here, but I am reeeeealy starting to be ready for some sunshine, shorts and flip flops, thankyouverymuch. 

It actually was a blessing in disguise, though (the sick day, not the weather!).   After a busy week last week, staying home -- and having an open schedule all week, for the most part -- was really freeing.  Its amazing how busy things can get, with just school, a class or two, some appointments and outings and playdates.  Mostly fun stuff, for sure, but its nice to have some chill days at home, especially when the kids aren't climbing the walls with pent up energy.  Mellow, mellow, mellow. 

All three kids were up last night with coughs or fever, and it reminded me how far we've come, in terms of sleep.  I complain about sleep sometimes, because we are not at my own mythical ideal of what sleep should be at this stage, but really we are doing pretty great in the grand scheme of things.  

With pretty much anything, all I need to do to gain a little perspective is to remember where we were two years ago, with newborn twins and a two year old, and then I can appreciate how far we've come, and how great we do, in fact, have it now.  We have children who sleep for more than an hour at a time, they go to bed (in their own beds, not on me!) reliably, they play and entertain themselves for significant chunks of time, sometimes.  They eat and gain weight.  They can tell us what they want and need, and what they are thinking about.  It is delightful.

So today, despite having some whiny, clingy, feverish cuddle times (and lots of requests to nurse) at various points when the Motrin wore off (mostly Elsie, Delia and Emma have colds but are not too bad off), we also had some cool moments.  Like when Emma helped me sweep the kitchen floor, and actually got almost all the dirt from my piles into the dustpan, by herself.  And then, all three girls helped me clean the floors -- and they actually did it (I gave them all microfiber rags and a spray bottle with a vinigar water, and they went to town. AWESOME!  Emma also started FOLDING LAUNDRY (!) and did a decent job with a couple of things before she lost interest.  

I also did well at mixing things up throughout the morning (free play, art project, TV time, downstairs play) which makes a huuuuuge difference in terms of keeping things pleasant.  I've also been able to spend a bit more time with Emma one-on-one in the past few days (movie night, putting her to bed, playing a game with her after quiet time) and that obviously helps a lot. 

Thats all for now, many more posts a-brewin' (having a hard time wrapping them up and posting them, but they will be coming, soon!).

I feel like there are two fronts right now that lend themselves well to stats, so here they are:

Bites today: 2 (just so you know, this is really, really good, considering the past week!!!)

Potty Accidents: 3 (which would be great if it were a regular day, but since they were in diapers 90% of the day today, eh, not so fab.  Alas.)

...with two potty training toddlers, who are doing it!  Which is awesome!  But they are definitely in the realm of needing Mama's help A LOT, with reminders and clothing especially, and cleanup on occasions too, and its really time consuming!  Egads!    

...with continuing wake ups.  Because right when they were JUST starting to sleep through the night, at least every now and then, they now wake up to needing to PEE IN THE POTTY at night.  What???  This was not on my radar!  But I cannot go back.  This is the right thing to do.  

....with twin toddler shenanigans that are in full force.  The biting.  The possessiveness.  The neediness.  The testing.  The ignoring.  The independance!  Its exhausting.  

...with too many commitments -- school, gymnastics, appointments, playdates, and volunteering & social stuff that tends to spiral out of control reaaaaaly fast, I've discovered.  I need to simplify and cut things out, and thats hard.  

...house and yard maintenance.  Its seems like I can keep things under control for awhile, and then everything starts to crumble and I am not sure why.  I think its the good weather, causing me to spend more time outdoors, and take the girls places, which is great!  But takes away from the other stuff.  

...blogging.  I want to write and post and take pictures but then find myself sucking hours away editing a million photos.  I am finding tons of fabulous bloggers to read and follow, but need to balance that with working on my own stuff.  I have a bunch of ideas for my blog, but the technical stuff takes HUGE amounts of time and energy that I do not have.  Blah.  

 Gotta go -- crying baby! And exhausted mama.  

Elsie on left, Delia on right.  Popsicles were half vanilla yogurt, half mango/strawberry juice.  Delish!

Here are a few links I have been meaning to share, and this is as good of time as any!  I'm keeping these marked so I can return to them when I need a reminder or two...  

You're a Fabulous Mother from A Magical Childhood.  

From Well Grounded Life, What a Good Mother Does.  

The Toddler 10 Commandments, from Code Name: Mama

And I ADORE this one -- They Are Listening, from the Maternal Lens... 

Also, a huuuuuuuuge congrats and welcome home to my cousin and beautiful new baby, Bereket Hanna.  What an awesome family!  

Have a great rest of the weekend, everyone! 

One thing about having more than one child, is that it gives you a perspective on how truly different kids can be.  When you just have one, its really really hard sometimes to truely understand that all kids do not act and respond to things the way that yours does.  At least I had trouble with that at times!  Even though intellectually (and experientially as a teacher!) I knew it was true.  

Take my girls.  Emma (the oldest) has always been super cautious.  She was a mama's girl for a loooong time, hesitant about strangers and new situations. Very slow to warm up.  A very picky (cautious) eater.  And physically, always always careful, nervous, and slow to take on a challenge. A lot of times, this worked great for me, especially her being a fairly careful toddler when I had two newborns to lug around as well.  Thank goodness!  

Elsie and Delia, not so much!  They are so different than Emma (though similar to each other), especially with regards to the physical stuff.  Even though they took longer to actually crawl and walk than Emma did, from the start they have been climbers, leapers, adventurers, and daredevils -- both of them!  Delia perhaps a bit moreso (hence the two chipped teeth on one occasion, and fat lip and stiches on another...) but really both of them are pretty equal with this.  Last spring, a few months before they turned one (and many before they started walking!),  Delia --and later Elsie-- started walking up our little slide.  I can't believe that video is only from a year ago!  Since then they've mastered all sorts of way bigger slides, and are now working on climbing much larger things, ladders, hanging on bars, swinging, dangling and jumping...

The thing is, even though they are very physical and adventurous, I don't worry (too much) about them falling or getting hurt, at least in places and with equipment they know well (like our backyard).  I feel like they've figured out what gravity does, and are careful enough to not do something stupid.  Perhaps naive of me, but its worth it to me to give them space and not follow them around.  So lately, we've been letting all three girls out to play in the backyard by themselves.   Revolutionary!

A few days ago they were out there in a brief sunny moment, in between all the rain we've been having.  When I first looked out they were playing around on the swings (pushing each other sometimes, oh so cute!).  In a few minutes I looked out again and saw BOTH Elsie and Delia almost to the top of the high climbing wall, one right behind the other.  The one that Emma only mastered in the last few months!  By the time I was out there they were both up, so here's a few shots of Elsie trying it again by herself... 

Yep, thats Delia again, going up the big slide this time!  What a difference (or maybe not) a year makes!  

This afternoon the kids were outside playing while I tried to do some clean up and meal planning inside.  I had suggested or set out various things to do, and was hoping they would play peacefully and safely without too much attention from me.  

I knew I was tempting fate, setting up the water table.  At first I just put a little water in, so they could fill their watering cans.  But I got tired of refilling. It was sunny, but not sprinkler weather (Emma asked, and I declined).  Maybe 60 degrees (F) with a decent breeze?  

They played off and on with lots of other things, and didn't get wet!  I was pleasantly surprised.  The next thing I know, Emma is suddenly outside in a bathing suit.  Ummm...?  Then I saw Delia leaning into the water table.  With her coat on.  

Then, Emma decides to wash her foot in the water table. You can't see it too well in this picture, and I didn't notice at the time, or I might have discouraged this since I knew what would happen next....

Delia follows suit.  With her shoe.  Her super nice leather Ecco tennis shoe (luckily got them for a STEAL at the twins club sale, and water never hurt anything). 

Here she (and Emma) are a bit more serious, contemplating what just happened, and the immediate consequences (very wet shoe).   

Ah well, screw the wet shoe (and pants and SUPER soaked coat) -- on with the fun!

I like this one because of the two profile shot:

After that I went back in.  Not too much longer, and I had three very wet, cold girls on my doorstep (here's two of them). 

Emma and Delia were quite unhappy about the cold there for a moment, but perhaps it was a good learning moment.  It was not too big of a deal to get everyone dry and changed.  I was glad I bit my tongue and let them have their fun, despite my initial desires to immediately change gears and not let the shenanigans continue.

However, all of us CANNOT WAIT until summer (and warmer weather) is truly here to stay!  Who knows when that will be around these parts, but we can hope it is sooner, rather than later, right?

Today, in the midst of authoring her own book about monsters, Emma looked up and said "Elmo isn't real, is he? He's a story?" I had to agree, and we had a bit of a conversation about what puppets are.  We had watched the "Elmo's Potty Time" DVD earlier in the day (which all three girls adore), so she wondered aloud about Elmo's dad and Prairie Dawn, who are also in that show.  She seemed nonchalant about it, though maybe a bit disappointed, I'm not sure.  

I totally had to keep in the tears.  My baby is growing up!!!  

Sesame Street in general and Elmo in particular has been big deals around here, with lots of love heaped on them over the past few years. On more than one occasion Emma has asked -- almost insisted -- that we take an airplane to go visit Sesame Street.  At age 4 (going on 14), I knew this was coming, but tried to hold on to the magic for as long as we could...

Mostly because I love it so, myself.  Jim Henson was a serious dreamer, and the worlds he created were pretty freaking awesome.  

I adored Sesame Street and all things Muppet for way longer than was cool (and then into high school and college, when it was kind of cool again, ha ha).   When racing on my high school ski team, I would wear the Bert and Ernie (Fisher Price) little people around my neck every weekend for good luck (the very ones my kids all play with today, in fact).   In college, I kept a Kermit doll in my dorm room (also now much loved by the girls).  

So, yeah.  This is more about me than her, but it just made me teary to see such an obvious sign of her growing up and figuring things out.  She is in a stage of really trying to sort out "real" from "story" or "pretend", which is absolutely age appropriate, of course.  I am sure she and I can still share a love of muppety, puppety things, but its not the same now, is it, really?  Not quite?  

I just hope I can manage to walk the line of answering her questions about this kind of thing -- being (mostly) truthful, but also keeping the world a magical place for her still, as she gets older and more aware, more curious, more worldly.

Emma, 18-19 months 

This post is part of the Mom's 30 Minute Blog Challenge on Steady Mom.

Does anyone else remember that Sesame Street clean up song? Circa 1977?  I was hoping to find it online but alas.  It was the cleanup song of my childhood.  Oh, Muppets, you make everything just a bit better...

Some friends and I were chatting (online) about the challenges of getting our kids to clean up.  As I mentioned last week, I do try to get my kids to do stuff on their own, as much as possible.  But cleaning up their toys, well, that's still definitely a work in progress, ha ha! At ages 3.75 and 1.75 (x2) I still feel like I spend a good deal of my time picking up (or tripping on) the detritus of toys, clothes, shoes, cups and other household items they strew about the house (in mere minutes, it seems).  

I think the challenges with clean up (and kids ignoring you when you are asking them to do stuff) is really common and age appropriate for toddlers and preschoolers (and probably on up!).   Cleaning up is admittedly NOT often a fun thing, and hard for kids who live in the moment to accept and do willingly.  I recently took a class on positive discipline at Emma's preschool and literally every family (20 or so) had challenges with this type of thing.  That felt really reassuring to us all!  Back when I taught 5-6 year olds this was definitely not a mastered skill for all (even with the group momentum helping my cause).

I've recently been getting a bit more frustrated by the whole clean-up regime around our house.  We definitely get resistance!  I admittedly didn't start having Emma regularly participate in clean up until 3.5, at least in an organized manner (she'd certainly do it sometimes, just not every time, or even daily).  Now, we have all three girls doing at least some each days, and sometimes its smooth(ish), other days Not At All.  

But, there is hope! Here are a few things that have helped me here at home (or in the classroom):  

• Have clean-up part of a set daily routine, and really stick to it.  In the past its always been after dinner for us, but recently we've been trying to do it before.  I try to have something fun after clean up to look forward to, as well.  With our new routine change we tend to push the coffee/play table out of the way and use the clean, toy free living room for after dinner physical activities, which they love.


• Have a fun, silly song that you put on EVERY TIME you clean up. That way, you don't have to even say a word, the song is the cue to start.  In my kindergarten classroom it was The Yellow Submarine. It was a pretty hilarious thing to have 16 kids singing along exuberantly while they cleaned!  Even kids that were not that into cleaning couldn't help singing along and joining in once everyone else was. I find music really cues in my kids well, better than words. It works for us really well at bedtime as well (they call it "sleepytime music").


• Make it a game, if you possibly can.  Make it a race, challenge them to find all the X's or Y's, shoot hoops into the tub, whatever you can think of to make it fun.  Sometimes my girls need step by step directions to break down a big clean up task into managable parts.  Sometimes, I just don't have the energy, too.  


• I also have been trying to make clean up time a family work time -- where we are all doing jobs "to help the family". If one (or more) of my girls don't feel like cleaning up toys, I am trying to let that go and let them "help" (ha ha) sweep, wipe down tables/highchairs, organize something, etc. The main thing is that they are participating, as are ALL of us at that time.  


• I also try to narrate out loud about what I am doing, what each family member is doing, and why, so that it eventually sinks in that this is just what we do at this time (and that there is a reason we pick things up or do the work we do).   If someone really isn't willing to participate we let them sit in a chair and watch us, but they don't get to keep on playing. So far this is working, mostly.


• The "connect then correct" concept (from Positive Disipline) is pretty simple but powerful, as well. Getting down at eye level, doing something physical (eye contact, a hand on the shoulder or a quick neck/back rub, sitting on lap, reading a story, cuddling, a hug, or just a moment talking about what's going on and feelings) before telling them what needs to be done can really work wonders (I forget this, constantly).


• Back to the routine thing, having a picture chart of the daily routine can be really helpful too! Some kids really seem to connect well to a visual cue (like others connect to the music/auditory ones) and they LOVE pictures of themselves and their stuff. Taking pictures of them doing each of the steps in the routine, ordering them and pasting them up somewhere, then referring to it can help. My class instructor called this "letting the routine be the boss"

So, two nights ago, I encountered one of those moments you dread as a parent of young kids.  Everything was fine, we'd had a good day and I had two freshly bathed girls happily nursing before bed.  I was excited to head out in just minutes to meet some friends from my moms group for a night out, and was really looking forward to a delicious drink and dessert.  And then.  That horrible sound.  Gagging.  And then hurling.  Over and over again, all over Delia's clothes, and mine.  Somehow, Elsie was spared, not sure how!  

After cleaning her up (including a quick shower) and new jammies on, we settled back down for a nurse (she really wanted to, I was a little wary).  She was in good spirits, considering, and was talking about it a lot. "Food! Up! Sick! Messy! Bucket!" (she was really into the idea of throwing up into a bucket the next time, "dee dee's bug-get", ha ha).  And then it happened again (not in the bucket).  Another change of clothes for the both of us. GROSS!  At that point she just wanted to get in her crib so I put her in, lined with towels, and hoped for the best.   But no dinner out for me that night!

She did puke one more time, just a little, and while she probably would have been fine in her crib, I was obsessing over every sound over the monitor so I brought her to bed with us.   She was thrilled with the idea of sleeping in our bed (we have two mattresses pushed up next to each other so there was lots of space to puke-proof her side of the bed)  and tried mightily to fall asleep, but it was just not happening so I put her in the pack & play and she slept pretty well there.  She's seemed to be fine since then, whew!  

But all in all, this incient reminded me how much I HATE stomach illnesses, and how lucky we have been to have it happen so rarely (not counting those 10 or so months of constant spit up).  In the moment of crisis I am fine, but I was on edge all night and the next day waiting for the other shoe to drop.  So far, it hasn't....knocking on wood!

 Little people.  Appearing all over the house.  Frozen in little scenes, after someone has wandered off.

Breastfeeding, and those baby cuddles where they burrow their face into your neck.

Goldfish crackers, string cheese, Cheerios 

Lullaby music 

Footed pajamas, tiny little socks, Babylegs

The happy sounds of little ones:  singing, shrieks, giggles 

Thanks to Sarah of Two Wooden Spoons for the inspiration for this post.  

Now, go post one of your own!  And let me know in the comments so I can go check it out!