Intrepid Murmurings

Its been that kind of week, food wise, and I am writing this post both to vent and maybe to prove to myself that its not actually as bad as it seems. Ha!  Here's our list, in no particular order:

Fruits: apples, strawberries**, grapes, dried mango, raisins, frozen blueberries (not fresh)

Vegetables: peas, corn, edamame, raw carrots, beets, artichoke (fresh & with mayo only), potato in some forms (mostly fried, occasionally mashed) 

Dairy: cow milk, soy milk, cheddar cheese, string cheese, cream cheese, butter, cottage cheese*, ice cream

Meats/nuts: hot dogs, ham, turkey/chicken deli slices, plain roasted cashews

Grains: crackers, sliced bread, english muffins, bagels, chips & pretzels, Cheerios,  Rice Krispies, Kix*, granola*, popcorn*, plain pasta*, white rice*, pancakes or waffles*

Prepared or mixed/multi ingredient foods or recipes: box mac 'n cheese, ramen*, quesadillas*, granola bars, cereal bars*.  I honestly can't think of anything else that she will eat that fits this category

Treats: plain chocolate and M&Ms, some types of cookies, ice cream, cake* 

Foods of note she Will Not Touch:  most fruit & veggies, beans or any type meat (beef, pork, fish, chicken, even nuggets!), yogurt, applesauce, dried fruit, pudding, hamburgers, pizza,  most pasta, homemade mac and cheese, spaghetti, peanut butter, smoothies, muffins or pastries, any sauce, any soups, stews or casseroles.  Also most candy or kid vitamins.  

 *these foods she'll eat occasionally, but not often/always  **she's mildly allergic, so we can't really offer them much 

So obviously she's not starving, and it could be a lot worse.  There is enough in each food group that we manage.  But GAH! I am so tired of her pickiness!  The problem lately is that while we no longer pressure her to eat anything (even a one bite try -- she won't do it so we don't even ask most of the time), we also don't cater to her, and if she doesn't like her options (usually 4 or so different foods per meal) she starts begging for other stuff or throwing tantrums.  We really never give in, so I think its more frustration than anything?  There is literally nothing she will eat in most restaurants (luckily we don't eat out much, but still!) and it definitely causes her stress when we eat anywhere but home.  

I am fine with her not eating if she is not hungry, but thats not the problem!  She is hungry but won't eat most of the foods we as a family eat and serve (and that a year or two ago, she loved) and then freaks out about it.  What's up with that? Please tell me this phase will pass!  Up until the past few years I assumed really picky eaters were made, not born (as in the parents somehow caused it) but I absolutely don't believe that anymore.  Geesh!  Anyone have tips for me, or at least an anecdote for me to cling to?  

I just wanted to give a shout out to Carrie of Tubeless in Seattle -- she just posted a summery of her efforts to breastfeed her triplets and woo, I am impressed!  Sounds like she is doing great!  Yay, Carrie!  

I feel like there is such a lack of knowledge, understanding and support for nursing multiples (as well as birthing multiples, but thats a topic for another post!).  There can be so many obstacles early on, particularly if the babies are preemies.  The time factor with twins or more is huge.  Since breastfeeding is such a private, behind doors and wraps thing in our culture, I think going in many new mothers (me included!) have no idea how much TIME it can take in the early months, even with an efficient nurser or decent milk supply.  Its a big shock to realize how much of your life is about nursing for awhile there!  Add a second or third baby and its quite overwhelming!  But it is often so possible.  I think the "tribe" support is key -- which I was so lucky and thankful to have.   I am positive I could not have managed a toddler and nursing twins if it were not for my support crew.  Thanks everyone!  

What do your kids eat for breakfast?  I am feeling bored with our routine.  I've borrowed an awesome breakfast cookbook, which I really like, but I find 1) I am tired, lazy and uninspired in the morning and 2) a lot of the foods in there are a kind of a hard sell --  my kids are very stuck in a breakfast rut (at least the preschooler is)!

Usually they have cold cereal or toast/english muffin/bagels with cream cheese and some kind of fruit (pears, bananas, apple slices, canned peaches, applesauce).  Sometimes I add in yogurt or eggs (Emma rarely will touch either, the babies LOVE the yogurt and sometimes the eggs).  Waffles and pancakes go over well fresh, but are not as popular frozen and reheated (RATS!).  Oatmeal used to be a favorite of the little ones, but no longer...   

I've found my kids start out with a light breakfast (babies nurse before that) and then have one or two substantial snacks in the AM.  I'd much rather they eat a big breakfast and skip one of those snacks!  

Here are my breakfasters today.  Delia (in red) was in an awesome mood and was just so goofy and happy and  grown up I just had to get the camera...

I think our changes to the food routine are working!  We have been working really hard to follow the division of responsibility thing and to not pressure or even comment on what and how much Emma eats.   Not sure if she is eating better or just that the stress is lowered, but I'll take either option.  In the book, Satter talks about how even the slightest pressure (commenting on what she should try, etc) can result in battles of will, which almost always affects eating negatively.  It also seems it can take a few weeks of following the plan to see positive changes in terms of eating (attitudes and behavior issues can change immediately though!), as the kids relax and see food not as a tool to get positive/negative attention.  

I will say, I was totally unimpressed with one section of this book -- the one about "older babies" and weaning.  Basically she said that nursing a baby beyond a year is a horrible idea and causes a host of problems -- something to nip in the bud by weaning around a year.  WTF??????  I totally disagree with so many of the things she said in that chapter and had to put the book down for a few days because I was too annoyed.  I absolutely do not feel nursing affects my kids solid food and eating habits, or that they are manipulating me through our nursing relationship.  Their nursing is not causing poor behavior, in fact I would argue quite the opposite!   There are many documented pros to continuing to nurse past a year, and it is recommended by the World Health Organization, for goodness sake! Perhaps, as an expert in feeding problems, Satter mostly sees the horror stories and cases where extended nursing has become a problem? Which of course CAN happen, but is NOT the norm.   I take offense to her assuming that all extended nursing is bad, and more for the mother than the kid. Geesh!  

In terms of foods, I have been trying to think of new foods or combinations to try with all 3 girls.  We need to avoid the food ruts we have been in lately!  Here are some of the things that they DO like, most of the time (not necessarily all three, but at least one or two of them!) 

• cheese.  in all forms.  yogurt.  cottage cheese.  string, cheddar, cream cheese.  
• bread, crackers,  pretzels,  dry cereal (also with milk).  Pancakes and waffles, 
• fruit.  Elsie pretty much any fruit, Delia a bit more picky, Emma only a few types!  Everyone adores grapes though!  apples, pears, bananas, oranges.  peaches, canned usually. mangos.  applesauce or other pureed fruit (often mixed with yogurt). strawberries or raspberries. frozen (or fresh) blueberries.   
• dried fruit: raisins, craisins, cherries, dates.  apricots and prunes sometimes.  dried mango!  yum!
• ham, other deli meats.  cooked/roasted chicken.  chicken nuggets.  other meats very occasionally and depending on presentation.  scrambled eggs. 
• mac and cheese.  noodles and pasta.  potatoes.
• ham and cheese or pb&j sandwiches
• beans, sometimes.   
• broccoli, spinach or chard.  peas!!!  corn!!!  artichokes!!! beets!!!!  Not many other veggies but I'll take it...

I FINALLY got my hands on a book that has been recommended to me time and again:  Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense, by Ellyn Satter.  Its a popular book, and I was waiting for it from the library for what felt like FOREVER!  But thank goodness it finally came, since we are in desparate need of some help in the feeding and food department.  

Mostly, our struggles have to do with Emma, though Elsie and Delia are throwing their cups/spoons/bowls in the ring as well (mostly typical toddler stuff at this point).  I love to cook and serve food, but I need to be careful because man, it feels like a minefield these days!  I cannot let myself get frustrated or take it personally when they are not interested in my hard (and delicious) work.  

One of the main points in the book is that in terms of eating and feeding, there is a "division of responsibility" that must be shared between parents and kids.  Here is more info taken from her website:

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This all makes a lot of sense, and though I haven't read a whole lot of the book yet, her arguments and research are very convincing!  She talks about how kids who have trouble with picky or problem eating most often show signs of this, in one way or another as infants -- and indeed!  Emma did have feeding issues very early on!  She was a challenging and needy baby.  She has always been super cautious, very stubborn, and sensitive to her surroundings.   My cousin Sarah recently posted a link to this chart about the 9 temperament traits in children (and all of us) and it was really enlightening as well, especially the "sensory threshold" one, but also many of the others too.  Keeping this stuff in mind makes me feel better that we are not causing the picky eating stuff, but that its just a reflection of her personality right now.  

I still need to read the main sections on toddler and preschool eating and feeding, which I am sure will have tons more advice, but we've already started to make some changes based on her recommendations.  We are no longer badgering her to eat more of this or that on her plate.  We are not withholding dessert until she has eaten XYZ (this one is really hard sometimes, but I am pretty sure it is the right thing to do -- it is SO nice to avoid the power struggles and Emma's misery when choking down whatever food she hates).  We are cutting back on too many snacks/grazing in between meals, and food "panhandling".  And as always, I am trying to include a few foods that she likes at every meal (this can be hard, and definitely doesn't happen all the time).   

Luckily, our issues aren't as bad as some; I know that and am very thankful.  Emma's always been fine in terms of weight/height percentiles and we have no obvious allergy concerns, so there is not that added worry which I know can really multiply the challenges.   For us, its mostly about food variety, or lack thereof.  I hope that as we lighten up and let some of these issues go, we will see some positive changes!  Or at least a bit less stress!