Oh, biting.
We have been dealing with biting for months now, but its getting worse. Generally Elsie is the biter and Delia (or me, or Lonnie, or this week, Emma!) is the bitee. Poor Delia last week had 5 visible bite marks/bruises on her one day, some fresh and some a few days old! Emma got bit twice this week, once when she took a toy from Elsie and kind of deserved it (she didn't cry or complain at all, because I think she understood that, too, ha ha!).
I was commenting to Lonnie that it certainly gives you perspective to be the parent of both the biter and bitee, and to have them (most of the time) be the same age so there is no power difference, etc. I know biting pushes a lot of buttons for folks (especially when its at school/daycare and other peoples children doing the biting) but I really don't see it as any different than hitting and pushing, which we also have a fair bit of. Biting hurts more, which is the big bummer, and leaves marks because of that, but I see them as pretty much interchangeable at least at this age. And while hitting, pushing or biting is rarely (if ever) an ideal way to react or solve a problem, its also certainly a normal urge or stage of child development in the early years.
Sometimes the biting here seems to be just out of excitement or because there is something interesting in front of her to bite. Other times, it is out of anger/frustration because Delia is in Elsie's way or using a toy she wants (today, it was bike envy in the driveway). I don't think at this age (almost 14 months) they can understand that biting hurts the other person, so I don't think its intentional yet -- just a form of communication or expression of a feeling.
I deal with the biting in different ways depending on the situation, but generally always say NO BITING fairly strongly and either put the offender (usually Elsie) down in her in her crib if we are near it (to give Delia a break) or just on the floor away from the rest of us for a moment. I also say "biting hurts" and point to the teeth(and/or the bitten body part) and do the sign for "hurt" (which they both know now, though I am not sure if they get the concept entirely yet). Any time I say "no biting/biting hurts" Elsie points to her teeth, so thats a good sign of some understanding, at least!
I do think E & D get the concept of "no" pretty well at this point-- they shake their heads now and say "na na na" for no to me, either when referring to something that I tell them no to (like playing with the oven door, ha ha), or when they are initiating no themselves (during diaper changes sometimes, or like Delia today, who said "na na na" to the pasta salad I was trying to give her for lunch as she was tossing it overboard).
I have also yelped and yelled when they bite ME, and reflexively pushed them off me/over when this happens. This usually makes them a bit sad, but not overwhelmingly so and not always! I don't worry about it in any case, since its an honest reaction to something that hurts.
At some point in time (sometime between 1-2 years old, I would think?), biting does seem like it might become more of an intentional thing -- to make a point of displeasure or for attention getting behavior, maybe? I don't know, but it feels like baby/young toddler biting is in a bit of a different realm than older toddler/preschool aged biting. Not sure how we will change our reactions if & when that happens, we shall see -- I would think that it would be important to take into consideration how verbal the kid is, as it seems a verbal kid has a lot more "tools" in their communication arsenal than the non-verbal one.
I hope it just goes away before we get to that stage, in any case! Here's a recent picture of the duo, in a happier, non bitey moment:
And here's one with them both chewing on their fingers -- more teeth on the way, ya think? Great, just what we need!
