Intrepid Murmurings

Does anyone else remember that Sesame Street clean up song? Circa 1977?  I was hoping to find it online but alas.  It was the cleanup song of my childhood.  Oh, Muppets, you make everything just a bit better...

Some friends and I were chatting (online) about the challenges of getting our kids to clean up.  As I mentioned last week, I do try to get my kids to do stuff on their own, as much as possible.  But cleaning up their toys, well, that's still definitely a work in progress, ha ha! At ages 3.75 and 1.75 (x2) I still feel like I spend a good deal of my time picking up (or tripping on) the detritus of toys, clothes, shoes, cups and other household items they strew about the house (in mere minutes, it seems).  

I think the challenges with clean up (and kids ignoring you when you are asking them to do stuff) is really common and age appropriate for toddlers and preschoolers (and probably on up!).   Cleaning up is admittedly NOT often a fun thing, and hard for kids who live in the moment to accept and do willingly.  I recently took a class on positive discipline at Emma's preschool and literally every family (20 or so) had challenges with this type of thing.  That felt really reassuring to us all!  Back when I taught 5-6 year olds this was definitely not a mastered skill for all (even with the group momentum helping my cause).

I've recently been getting a bit more frustrated by the whole clean-up regime around our house.  We definitely get resistance!  I admittedly didn't start having Emma regularly participate in clean up until 3.5, at least in an organized manner (she'd certainly do it sometimes, just not every time, or even daily).  Now, we have all three girls doing at least some each days, and sometimes its smooth(ish), other days Not At All.  

But, there is hope! Here are a few things that have helped me here at home (or in the classroom):  

• Have clean-up part of a set daily routine, and really stick to it.  In the past its always been after dinner for us, but recently we've been trying to do it before.  I try to have something fun after clean up to look forward to, as well.  With our new routine change we tend to push the coffee/play table out of the way and use the clean, toy free living room for after dinner physical activities, which they love.


• Have a fun, silly song that you put on EVERY TIME you clean up. That way, you don't have to even say a word, the song is the cue to start.  In my kindergarten classroom it was The Yellow Submarine. It was a pretty hilarious thing to have 16 kids singing along exuberantly while they cleaned!  Even kids that were not that into cleaning couldn't help singing along and joining in once everyone else was. I find music really cues in my kids well, better than words. It works for us really well at bedtime as well (they call it "sleepytime music").


• Make it a game, if you possibly can.  Make it a race, challenge them to find all the X's or Y's, shoot hoops into the tub, whatever you can think of to make it fun.  Sometimes my girls need step by step directions to break down a big clean up task into managable parts.  Sometimes, I just don't have the energy, too.  


• I also have been trying to make clean up time a family work time -- where we are all doing jobs "to help the family". If one (or more) of my girls don't feel like cleaning up toys, I am trying to let that go and let them "help" (ha ha) sweep, wipe down tables/highchairs, organize something, etc. The main thing is that they are participating, as are ALL of us at that time.  


• I also try to narrate out loud about what I am doing, what each family member is doing, and why, so that it eventually sinks in that this is just what we do at this time (and that there is a reason we pick things up or do the work we do).   If someone really isn't willing to participate we let them sit in a chair and watch us, but they don't get to keep on playing. So far this is working, mostly.


• The "connect then correct" concept (from Positive Disipline) is pretty simple but powerful, as well. Getting down at eye level, doing something physical (eye contact, a hand on the shoulder or a quick neck/back rub, sitting on lap, reading a story, cuddling, a hug, or just a moment talking about what's going on and feelings) before telling them what needs to be done can really work wonders (I forget this, constantly).


• Back to the routine thing, having a picture chart of the daily routine can be really helpful too! Some kids really seem to connect well to a visual cue (like others connect to the music/auditory ones) and they LOVE pictures of themselves and their stuff. Taking pictures of them doing each of the steps in the routine, ordering them and pasting them up somewhere, then referring to it can help. My class instructor called this "letting the routine be the boss"

Today the girls and I hit Seattle Center for Whirligig, a festival put on for kids during spring break, thats main focus is LOTS of bouncy houses. Throw in some bands and kids choirs, a show about parrots, and corn dogs and smoothies and we were all pretty happy campers.  There was a toddler zone where we spend most of our time (where all the pictures below are from) and then Emma got to do a few of the "big kid" ones while I plied the younger ones with grapes and cookies.  It was kinda crazy there, especially by the time we left, but fun!  

Around the time I started making dinner again most nights (once the twin newborn baby insanity calmed down a bit -- before that Lonnie cooked after work), I started trying to menu plan for the first time in my life.  Up until then I'd shop for fresh things and keep a well-stocked pantry, and we'd just fly by the seat of our pants.  Which was fine -- I think between the two of us we can think up and cook up a ton of great meals that way. But, once there were three kids on the scene, shopping took on greater importance.  Or rather, shopping effectively, so that we are prepared for the whole week and don't have to run to the store any more than necessary.  It also helps with the budgeting and shopping cheaply, which I have been trying to do (somewhat).

We still like a little wiggle room so we tend to stock both our freezer and pantry pretty well and don't always stick to the plan, but mostly we do.  I often only menu plan 5 days a week, leaving two free, and sometimes I just plan out a certain number of meals for the week and decide the day of which meal to make that night.

So here's this week!  I always save them so I think I have close to a year of these plans now  -- I kind of want to collect them into a big list or idea binder or something (because its kind of ridiculous for me to keep creating it from scratch every week), but what that will look like is still percolating....

Note that we don't eat beef or dairy (all parts cow) for dinner due to Lonnie's allergies.  Occasionally I will cheese up the rest of our portions, but mostly its free of those ingredients.   I also sometimes add extra foods for the kids (yogurt, applesauce, frozen peas, etc) not included in the menu.  

Sunday: Awesome sweet and spicy Asian pork shoulder (in the slow cooker), with bok choy, coleslaw, brown rice, roasted carrots/parsnips

Monday:  Curried chicken salad with grapes (using Costco rotisserie chicken) on brown bread rolls, artichokes*

Tuesday: Something with tofu & asparagus -- any suggestions?  Stir fry or soup with rice or pasta if nothing more exciting comes to mind.   

Wednesday: Hilary's Heavenly Eggs (Eggs braised in tomato sauce on crusty bread),  green salad with pears & nuts

Thursday: Bean, sausage and pasta soup (leftovers, from the freezer), glazed carrots 

Friday:  Fish & potato combo (tin foil packets, or maybe our favorite baked fish --subbing mayo for the butter in that one -- and oven fries), pureed squash (from the freezer)  and asparagus.

Saturday:  Fried chicken drumsticks, cornbread, Waldorf salad 

Sunday:  Hmm, Easter dinner!  Not sure yet what our plans are or if it will be something fancy or not...  

* Today's dinner was all thanks to Costco (well, the chicken, grapes, rolls and artichokes) where I had a great shopping trip with ALL THREE kids today, woo hoo!  Its not my first time doing this at all,  but I still always feel great when I manage to pull it off without a hitch.  Lonnie made the chicken salad with homemade mayo and it was delish!  All three of my kids ADORE artichokes and Costco is one of the only semi-affordable places to get them...

Toss me a bone, give me a click! Thanks!

A few weeks ago lots of parents I know were cursing the upcoming daylight savings time switch.  For the most part, I didn't get what the big fuss was about.  Just switch to the new time when you all get up, and over the course of a day or two everyone will settle back into the routine, right?  

Ha ha.

In the past, this mostly has worked for us, and I guess I was lucky!  Its not like we've not faced our share of sleep issues, that is for sure.  But since our bedtime routine got set in stone (when the babies were around 6 months, more like 2 years old for Emma)  bedtime is generally pretty smooth, no matter what.  The sleep cues just WORK for my kids, thank goodness, knock on wood, yada yada yada.  If the routine is done, they start to yawn, they lie down and (generally) go to sleep.  I am SO thankful for this and feel like its payoff for a lot of hard work early on (but also, just really great luck, I am sure).   

But.  Mornings & middle of the night are another story.  Unrelated to DST, Elsie and Delia have been waking up too much, as I mentioned in my recent post about nightweaning.   The past week or so I have been mostly sticking to the "no milk until 2am" rule, and while one or the other baby still wakes somewhere between 10pm-2am, they usually go back to sleep (with or without a little complaining) if I go in and tell them that its not time yet.  Which is great, in some respects.  Could be worse!

But then, they sleep until 4:30-5:30am. Which is way past my 2am rule (and what I wanted - to keep pushing it out further and further until we just nurse upon waking for the day).  So they nurse, but instead of going back to sleep for one more stretch, then they are UP!   As am I.  Until daylight savings time, they were waking twice in the night, but sleeping until 6:30.  Emma was also sleeping until 6:30, but is now regularly waking at 5-5:30 (today it was 4:30,  though thankfully she fell asleep for another hour).   So we've all lost several hours of sleep and are not making it up!  And since its still dark outside then, its not that (we have blackout shades to help with that in the summer months, anyway).  Is it just that their clocks are still set to the old time?  

Emma has also pretty much dropped her nap in the past two months (though she still has nap/quiet time each day and occasionally falls asleep), which I think its normal for a almost 4 year old, but thats another 1.5 hours lost for her.  Her mood is definitely reflecting it some days!  We were doing so well for awhile!  

I am not sure what to do.  Its not that this is new territory, either -- we've dealt with the early bird waking off and on for years with all three (and Lonnie, too, ha ha).  I feel strongly about the "sleep debt" thing, though, which I read about in the book Sleepless In America.   In that book she talks about how a lack of sleep leads to less restorative sleep and more wakeups, which in turn creates more sleep issues.  Basically, you need to break the cycle and get everyone caught up on sleep to get back on track.  I have definitely seen this happen here.  But how?  Do I need to start putting them to bed at 6:30?  Their bedtime now is 7:30 and that seems pretty early.  Maybe we'll compromise and try 7?  Or will that just lead to more 4am wakups (yeowch!).  Or do we just ride it out and hope that they gradually start sleeping later on their own?  

Parents, what are your experiences with sleep these days?  Any adjustments needed since DST?  Any other early risers out there?  What would you do in my shoes?  I miss my beauty sleep (and am definitely NOT a morning person like the rest of this family).  

Up until recently, my girls haven't been too into dress-up.  Well, Emma hasn't -- Elsie and Delia have always enjoyed hats and scarves and putting on all sorts of shoes...

But now, they are getting into it!  These fancy dresses from my mom's old preschool are definitely popular.  Up until now the dress-up stuff has been in Emma's bedroom, but I think I am going to bring it out somewhere more communal so that all three can see and use it more often.  And add to it with a bit more stuff -- boas? sparkly shoes? I'm so not a dress-up gal myself!  Anybody have good recommendations of what to get (and where)?

They were pretty cute today!  

One of the things on my to-do list is HANG MORE PICTURES in our house.  Photographs and artwork.  I have some empty frames to fill, and tons of photographs to print, and this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I would be so much happier with my surroundings (as would the girls) if we had joyful or peaceful or just beautiful things to see each day.  

So I was quite pleased to find a link to Feed Your Soul: the free art project today!  What a cool idea (and generous of the artists, too)!  I think a few of those art pieces are just begging to be printed out and framed or otherwise hung and displayed and I am already plotting where in our house they might go...

Art by Angela Vandenbogaard via the free art project

Thanks to Nina from Planet Parent for the idea!

Hey y'all. I've heard from various folks lately who have had problems commenting on my blog.  Not good, since I looooove comments!

If this has happened to you, could you please email me (listed in the "about" tab, above) with the details of exactly what happens (what error message you get, if any, etc) if you try?  The two things I am aware of currently is that sometimes I've found EVEN if I do the damn math problem right, it says I do not and makes me try again (I'm really not THAT bad at math).  But usually after the second time it works.  The other thing that seems to randomly happen is that a comment may be identified as spam and it won't be posted.  In this case, I still get it and can manually approve it, so don't fret.  

But if something else is happening for you, please let me know!  I just want to work out the kinks if we can!  The spam comments are unbearable without some level of protection so I'm not going to eliminate it altogether, but maybe we can figure out something to help...

I've been enjoying lots of posts lately over at Steady Mom, and am writing this with her blog in mind, keeping it concise for this weeks Mom's 30-Minute Blog Challenge.  

Lately I have been thinking about the level of involvement I have in my kids day-to-day activities.  Obviously, its a lot, since I am a stay-at-home mom and their main caregiver.  But often, I think I tend to be somewhat hands off, compared to some parents out there.  I don't sit down and play with my kids all that often (though I will set them up with stuff, and get them started on something), nor do I attempt to entertain them much of the day.  I try not to do a lot of things for them (age appropriately, of course) -- things like dressing, going potty, getting shoes and coats on, finding toys or getting drinks of water. 

I like to give them lots of space, and time to work things out by themselves.  Figuring out how to satisfy their needs and desires.  Work out problems that arise, on their own.  

They still ask, of course, and depending on the age and need I will oblige.  But often I don't.  Or I tell them to do part of it (get a cup and a lid, go get your coat and shoes) and then will assist with the next step if they truly don't have the skills yet.  But once they do, I will walk them through it, or encourage them, but don't physically jump up to do it for them.  Usually.  

I think this is a healthy thing, that builds self-reliance.  It also encourages them to master the things that are important, and empowers them -- they feel good about doing it themselves.  

A lot of this, admittedly, is due to the fact that I have 3 kids -- once the twins were on the scene, Emma, at age 2, had to step up or she would not get to do the things she wanted.  Elsie and Delia are learning this too, now.  You learn to fend for yourself when there's no extra hands. Sometimes I feel bad about this, because they are still so young, but mostly not.  Its the reality of being in a larger family, I think. 

But some of it is also how you approach things:  do you do things for them because its what you've always done, because you -- or they -- think they cannot do it?    Do you do things for them as a sign of love, even when they can do them on their own?  Do you do it to avoid upsetting them, making them mad or sad, or to avoid a power struggle?  

Or do you encourage them to give it a try, and then make yourself scarce sometimes, so they learn to manage a bit more on their own?  Do you let things go, knowing full well that when they do it themselves, it may not be done "your way" (but that its okay)?  

Some of this is hard, because "doing things" for other people is a way to show love and affection.  Also, when we are taking care of our babies, needs and wants are one and the same.  Its easy to fall into a pattern of thinking that your toddler or young child NEEDS your help with things, and that it will hurt them (or their attachment to you) if you do not provide that. 

I understand that, and I think there is sometimes a fine line to walk.   If a child's request (or demand) is really a call for connection and belonging, you of course want to provide that.  But it doesn't have to mean doing the thing they want every time (and then, perhaps resenting them for it).  Or taking the (seemingly) easy way out by just doing things for them.  

I am proud of my kids for all they do to take care of themselves each day.  I am continually amazed and delighted at the things they think up to entertain themselves (and each other).   They are so capable, of so many things, and I want to continue to foster and encourage that, each and every day.  Some days I fall short of this goal.  But as long as I keep all of this in the back of my mind, I think we mostly do pretty well.

That last one is Elsie walking backwards, for fun. Silly kid.

Thanks for the kind words and thoughts about our pup.  It is weird around here without her, but also a big relief that its over.  We are doing pretty well.  Emma is processing it, but not too sad as far as I can tell.   More on this soon.  

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I can't  believe that I am having to think about planning BIRTHDAY PARTIES already!  What????  2 years and 4 years, holy moly.  This year I think we are going to separate Emma's from Elsie's and Delia's, and let Emma have a "big kid" party (probably at her gymnastics studio) a few days before her actual birthday. This is the first year she has school friends to invite, kids who's parents I don't know all that well, yeeps!  How grown up!  Elsie and Delia will have a party at home a few days after theirs, two weekends later.  And since they don't really have friends yet (oh, poor second children who don't get the playgroup action!), it will be a fun but eclectic assortment of neighbors, adult friends, and assorted children of various ages.  Hopefully we have the great weather we've lucked out on the past two years so we can have it outside!  

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I am back to contemplating (enacting!) nightweaning.  I know, its about time!  But they are my babies!  And the nursing & cuddles are so much better at night (than during the busy and distraction filled day), its hard to give it up.  But sleep has been worse again, and while I don't nurse them at every wakeup (usually once or twice, but not always at the same time though which is the big problem)  I think I need to cut them out completely to see if that helps them sleep longer/better and wakeup less.  

The reason I have been holding out this far is because if I do nurse them, I get much longer stretches, if I don't, they go back to sleep, then wake up in an hour or two and cry/holler again.  And then there's the morning issue: thanks to daylight savings time (and just how they are right now, I think it was sort of happening before, too) they wake up at 5 and if I nurse them they go back to sleep for another hour or so, if I don't we are all UP!  And that sucks!   

So, my plan is say no nursing until 2AM, and then keep pushing it back until we are to 5am or so and see if sticking with that one nursing helps.  I still have my sights set on 2 years old for sleeping through since thats when Emma did.  We'll see if that actually happens, ha ha.  I think its highly possible, since they've already had periods of pretty much doing that already.    

Anyway, change is hard, and this is a chore I am not looking forward to.  But, I have a feeling it will go smoothly if I can just stick with it for a few days... 

Fun in the sun!  Yay spring!

Elsie in white, Delia in blue.  Emma in tie dye!   

Aiko Dog Hutchinson
2001-2010

What a good dog!  We will miss you!

Today, we tried something new. After our success on the light rail a few weeks ago, I thought we'd try riding the bus downtown (sans double stroller).  Its a really short walk from our house to the bus stop, and Lonnie would meet us when we got off the bus.  We'd have lunch with Daddy, check out his office, then catch the return bus to go back home for naps.

In case you think this all sounds fun and lovely, think again. I DO NOT recommend doing this, with 3 kids under four (two not quite two). What was I thinking?

Actually, the ride to our destination was pretty manageable, and after that first trip I was all excited about doing it again. On that ride, I kept Elsie in the Beco on my back the whole time, Emma and Delia sat (or stood in front of me), and the novelty of the bus and excitement of the trip (plus loads of snacks) kept them happy and entertained. Everything was under control, happy, angelic kids, etc.

Lunch was great too. They didn't eat much Pakistani food but hey, I did (yum), and we all had fun. The visit to Lonnie's office was nice too. Finally saw the office he's been in for the last year or so!  Emma enjoyed the view from the windows and Elsie and Delia enjoyed the yoga balls. 

And then.  I put Delia on my back this time (we've been taking turns with who goes in the carrier and that usually works okay), and we walked back down a few blocks to catch the bus. Just missed it, so we had a good 15-20 minute wait until the next one. We walked down a few more blocks, to a stop a little further down the line, to fill up some time. No bus.  Kids getting restless! Rain starting!  No bus!   Finally it came, we said goodbye to Lonnie, got on and grabbed seats right in front.  

Enter atrociousness. The bus was really jerky (I think it was a sub driver that didn't quite know the route) and I couldn't see out as well because we were seated right behind the driver. I had been wearing Delia for awhile at that point, and was hot and tired of her kicking me, and not able to lean back with her in the carrier. I had to cling to things and brace myself and Elsie every time the bus braked, stopped, or turned, and almost immediately felt really nauseous from the motion.

Things really only got worse. I took Delia out of the carrier to see if that would help me feel better (she was starting to fuss, anyway). It did not. I tried to look out the window, breath deeply, but Delia was getting crazy and refusing to sit in the seat (or on me) and Elsie kept sliding off the seat when it jerked around. She was also looking a little sick.... Emma was talking a mile a minute, as usual, loudly. Right now she is in a phase where she wants me to acknowledge Every! Single! Thing! and it is soooooo annoying! I eventually told her I was sick and couldn't talk anymore. We broke out the Krispie treat we'd grabbed from Lonnie's office, and it was all I could do to not lose my lunch as I simultaneously fed them sticky snacks, while trying to keep us all in our seats (which I was not successful at, I eventually let Delia sit on the floor for a bit).

Ordinarily, I think I might have been able to pull out some kind of parenting tricks out of the old hat but when feeling so sick I just couldn't.   I eventually ended up just restraining Delia in my arms as she flopped around and cried and hollered (Elsie was doing some of this too, but not as bad).  I was totally That Mom on the bus with the all the crazy kids. OMG. 40 minutes later, we stepped off the bus and I have never been so thankful to be outside, in fresh air, and HOME. 

I am still recovering now, hours later.  No more bus trips in our near future, at least not further than the library (about a 5 minute ride from our house).  Its quite unfortunate that we are totally out of wine right now because I really needed it today!  

The other day, Delia discovered my flour tub, used to store half open bags of different flours in the pantry.   She found it perfectly sized, and exclaimed, "bathtub!"  That second photo was totally a lucky shot, caught mid tip.  (Note: no babies were hurt in the making of this blog post...)